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Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning.
He told Bush that Three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone’s amazement, all of the color ran from Bush’s face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, “Just exactly how many is a brazillion?”
@argyll wrote:
@lancsman48 wrote:
Whats the difference between Oral and Anal sex?? Oral makes your day…………..Anal makes your hole weak.
for a minute there i thought the answer was going to be
“one slip of the tongue and your in the sh/t”
LMFAO you 2!!!!!!!
Then have a reduction ffs thunderchick!
Awwwwwwwwww groucho….dont change your nick hun…..we luv ya the way ya are :D
Hehe how true :lol:
The Best Las Vegas Hooker EVER
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, “How much do you charge?”
The hooker says, “Do you see that Denny’s on the corner?”
“Yes.”
“Do you see the Denny’s about a block further down?”
“Yes.”
“And beyond that, do you see that third Denny’s?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” says the hooker, smiling invitingly, “I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that’s worth $500.”
Guy says, “What the hell? You only live once. I’ll give it a try.”
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, “I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?”
The hooker replies, “$1,500.”
“I wouldn’t pay that for a blow-job!”
The hooker replies, “Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that’s worth every cent of $1,500.”
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, “Sign me up.”
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money’s worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, “How much for some p*ssy?”
The hooker says, “Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?”
“Damn!” the guy says, in awe, “You own the whole city?”
“No”, the hooker replies, “but I would if I had a p*ssy.”
ROFL argy!!!! Summs is gonna luv ya for this hehe :lol:
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of
her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in
the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the 3rd grade too!”Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks
he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and
he agreed to take the test.Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9.”Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36.”And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd
grader should know.The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry
can go to the 3rd grade.”Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only
two of?”Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants.”
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”Harry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft
and sticky?”The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop
the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
down and a dog does on three legs?”Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that
means a lot of heat and excitement?”Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
“Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong……”A professor at West Virginia University in Morgantown was giving a lecture of the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
About 15 students raise their hand.
“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
3 students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, So, Bubba, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”
Bubba replied…….“Shooooooot! From way back thar I thought you said “Goats.”
