[rusty trawler]

@annette-curtain wrote:

@rusty trawler wrote:

Thanks snicks xxxx

That was lovely.

Thanks for the birthday cheer, chaps.

Now kindly wipe my exact age from your collective memories. Very kind of y’all.

Isn’t it strange .. for some reason , i thought you were old , like me 8-[ :oops: :lol: :lol:

Never mind ….. i shall still “Swooooooon” every time i see you :wink:

lol Netty that’s because i was born old

[rusty trawler]

Thanks Snixxxxxxxxxxxxx

That was lovely.

Thanks for the birthday cheer, chaps.

Now kindly wipe my exact age from your collective memories. Very kind of y’all.

[rusty trawler]

chortles

[rusty trawler]

@j_in_france wrote:

Leicester car parks are always interesting

I worked in Leicester about 20 years ago and the company car I was given was an Escort RS Turbo – fun to drive but a magnet to car thieves. I watched from 11th floor office as two lads tried to steal it and having failed did a runner. Being so high up it was easy to direct the police right to the lads who had been locked up overnight after a bungled car theft the day before and then released after appearing in court that morning

Good luck with the catarct operation later today.

[rusty trawler]

@mrs_teapot wrote:

:D :D :D

lol. it had to happen

[rusty trawler]

@wordsworth60 wrote:

Well, Brother Rusty….

Dear Grandmaster Words,

I was truly humbled and relieved to receive your kind words.

Confronted with the eloquent communiqués of the glamorous but nonetheless fastidious ladies of JC, I have attempted to be all things to all women. This is unquestionably a foolish endeavour that, if continued, will inevitably result in public humiliation (and not the good sort that is often recounted in certain publications in the JC library).

Perhaps it is only foolish hubris and my lacking in the physical dimensions required to place my tail between my legs and run that has enabled imitation – with some success – of the ‘dignity, humour, humility, grace and care’ that you speak of. I fear any day now the promise of (sic) bountyful supplies of chocolates will no longer gain a mesmeric hold, and the ladies will ascertain that I am nothing more than an impertinent imposter parading as a gentleman.

Hitherto I have been extremely fortunate that the only alternative offer to my very own has been that of young Danny’s. Thankfully he is still of an age where he is yet to be divested of the belief that mere superior physicality and unfettered sexual energy is adequate to win the enchantment of a lady, and therefore they have not scrutinized my appeal too closely.

I will readily admit to a feeling of schadenfreude as I watch him continually crash and burn. It’s not for nothing Oscar Wilde stated that ‘youth is wasted on the young.’ But that’s not to say fellow petitions are unwelcome. Indeed, the incongruous absence of my peers at the club on this thread has embattled my confidence to such a degree that I will enthusiastically embrace any tutelage proffered. I will also rather clumsily take the opportunity to make a clarion call for their involvement.

Regarding your enquiry about the availability of Ms Simply Su, I have yet to secure the engagement of her services as negotiations are on-going. I can however report that she appears to be independently wealthy. Once she noticed that the pitiable remuneration for the librarian position would be a heavy burden on the Trawler estate budget, she thankfully declared that she would offer her services on a pro boner basis (I think she may have intended state ‘pro bono’, but a contract is a legally binding document).

Discussions about the uniform have been more protracted. I attempted to suggest that this was a non-negotiable stipulation, but without my willingness to concede to her demands, a tricky impasse would have been unavoidable. However, we try to maintain an efficient household at Trawler Mansions and stock levels are kept to such a minimum that the only surplus uniform I could find belonged to my stable hand, so hers was a pyrrhic victory when she availed herself of riding crop, leather boots and saddle to augment her work apparel.

My negotiations with Ms Moneypenny are confidential in nature. I’m unable to disclose the details, lest I transgress a get-out clause. Perhaps the answer to the following cryptic questions may be of assistance: Hypothetically speaking, if she should take an unofficial break would she be punished? Answer carefully.

I think a direct approach is the best course of action for both parties.

Regards,

Brother Trawler

[rusty trawler]

@simplysu wrote:

On behalf of Miss MoneyPenny:

Dear Diary … I have a dilemma. I know it’s been ever such a long time since I’ve written to you (and to be fair, I tend to use the pages as a colouring book, but the pictures are very pretty!), so I hope you don’t mind me using you as a sounding board.

free image hosting

upload photos

[rusty trawler]

@simplysu wrote:

Firstly … no, I cannot abide sherbet … makes my mouth too tingly and my eyes water. You may pay me in chocolate kind when you have replenished stock levels. To compensate for my current disappointment, perhaps you might consider more than just the one bar?

Secondly … I have pondered awhile at my predicament. Whilst I admit to regarding you with a degree of fondness, I confess to feeling excited at the prospect of gainful employment (as opposed to the slightly less traditional sources of income that currrently predisposes my time).

Therefore, might I suggest that you might forward me a job description and application form for the librarian role? I am readily available at your whim …

for interview.

Perhaps an indication too as to the required dress code?

I look forward to working alongside you. I cannot wait to get my hands on your treasures. I just love old relics, especially ones in remarkable condition …

as I suspect your book collection is.

Yours most sincerely.

S Simply (AKA something rather more dubious!)

PS … does the role of librarian prohibit the prospect of suggested ‘tumble’?

Dear Ms Su

Many thanks for your interest in the current librarian vacancy at Trawler Mansions.

Despite the egregious state of the economy, interest in the role has hitherto been extremely disappointing. The remuneration is undeniably derisory – more of which later – nonetheless I’m unable to think of many current positions which one can rely upon the zealous assistance of the employer when the more physical aspects of the role require attention. Perhaps my understanding of the modern woman’s job satisfaction requirements is outmoded, but I would have thought my hands-on approach would be rather enticing.

I’m hastily composing a job-specification as requested, which should provide you with some indication of my requirements. The role has a protean nature, and it is difficult to be comprehensive about the expectations, furthermore, some of the finer details may appear suspicious in comparison to similar opportunities elsewhere, but don’t let this impact your decision to apply; because any questions or concerns are eagerly addressed at the interview stage with practical demonstrations.

Unfortunately Trawler Enterprises has not been immune to recent conditions. The vicious caprices of industry have resulted in the need to downsize the staffing levels at Trawler Mansions. We are simply not as big as we used to be. However, with the right calibre of person, I am extremely confident, we can rise once more. (For some peculiar reason the last statement reminds me that I should perhaps mention that one of the more peculiar tasks of the job requires the vigilant safeguarding of my pills)

Thus the salary falls rather woefully below minimum wage standards. I’m loath to outline the exact salary at present in order to maintain your interest in the position. Reliably informed by my legal advisors that current employment law prohibits such a paltry financial package and that I would run the risk of being involved in an indentured slavery scandal, I have structured a very favourable benefits package. I am certain that the successful candidate and I will mutually enthuse that the monthly tumble allowance compensates for other shortfalls.

Should you remain interested, please return your application at the earliest convenience. I’m extremely keen to progress this matter having recently taken delivery of a hefty batch of Hugh ‘Hefner’ Johnson’s publications. My knowledge of the Dewey Classification System is rudimentary to say the least, I simply don’t have the faintest idea how to classify these items and they are currently languishing under my bed.

Kind regards,

Rusty Trawler

P.S: It’s rather fortunate that you have a dislike of sherbet. A recent stocktake has indicated that I’m rather deficient in the stuff and it’s not of a particular good dipping quality.

P.P.S: with regards to the dress code, you’ll recall that the role was previously undertaken by my former manservant and, prior to his demise, at your hands i hasten to add, my last sighting of him was when he was sneaking out of Madame Jen Jen’s hotel room in an embarrassing state of undress. Given this information I don’t think you’ll to be too surprised with the attached image of his chosen uniform for the task.

[rusty trawler]

@jen_jen wrote:

It’s often when you’re trying to appear clever that you show your true ignorance.

Indeed.

Reminds me of a quote:

wisdom is the right use of knowledge.

To know is not to be wise.
Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it.

There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool.
But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.

Charles Spurgeon

[rusty trawler]

@j_in_france wrote:

Thanks Mrs T, but I have met the surgeon – blonde beautiful female so I am sure it will be good ;)

Yes. Good luck J.

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