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I knew people in Finland get depressed in the winter but there’s no need to make the rest of us suicidal Beattie. Reading these makes me think of my poor old mum who left us a couple of years ago. She never got the chance to go sky-diving of course cos the NHS thought she needed a hip-replacement instead of her cancerous ovaries hoiked out and by the time they found out it was too late. They don’t write songs about things like that of course. I do sympathise with you Beattie but you made me cry (in a manly way of course) reading that and I don’t want to cry anymore. I think you have posted a fitting tribute here, I really do but I think these will make an awful lot of people shed tears.
@rubyred wrote:
do you intend to do a “down rover pour femme ” too !! Then again, id probably get arrested over the frozen chickens !! and cucumbers might have too much appeal for me..
I had rather thought that the growth area would be for an Anti-Down Rover! spray that lovely ladies could squirt up their nostrils before leaving the house to keep men away! This would be required because many lovely ladies would eventually be so fed up returning from the supermarket without any shopping and with half their clothes missing that they may resort to on-line shopping and never leave the house thereby becoming lovely ladies of the hermit kind.
If any lovely lady has difficulty attracting a man they should simply type their names into the box provided in Forum 2 whereupon they will immediately attract messages from between 20 and 30 males all interested in cucumbers and things of a similar size and consistency.
Excellent – I used it to search for TITMUSS and it shows I am wasting my time in Grimsby
I also wonder if Elton John did the music?
@soulie wrote:
ok, just let us know who was number 1 in the charts in the week you was born
I have NO IDEA. I’m not even sure if they had a radio in the ward to be honest.
you may but I am not going to tell you, sorry (I promised my counsellor I would remain anonymous)
Yes I KNOW he is really called James BLUNT but then the line about being the blind man with a guide dog (David BLUNKETT) wouldn’t have worked and I thought that line would show another important defect in the panickstricken character – He thinks he knows everything but really he knows nothing. At the end of the day, those who got the joke immediately would have found it funny and the others would maybe find something else in the post to give them a giggle. I really wouldn’t want anyone to waste time going TOO deeply into this… :P
@slayer wrote:
Who is or was James Blunkett??
He is a bloke who can’t sing very well but everyone is too scared to tell him because he owns a tank and he forces ladies to go out and buy all his records and take their clothes off and dance around the place completely in the nude. Maybe his ears have been damaged by all the tank noise or something and he can’t hear himself not being able to sing properly.
Dear Santa,
If you haven’t already set off for my house can I please change my list as I have had SECOND THOUGHTS.
My new list is:
1. A NUCLEAR DEVICE.
2. A nude (or nearly-nude) Russian ballet-dancer (minimum height 5’3”).
3. A year’s supply of white Toblerones.
4. Some practical SHOES with leather soles.
5. A clockwork television for use in bathroom.
6. The Dolly Parton waxwork from Madame Tussauds’ storeroom.
7. A state of the art toilet with automatic flushing.
8. A SUBMARINE with PERISCOPE.
9. A satellite picture of Grimsby showing routes to the butchers shop and the library from my house (avoiding all schools and facilities with nurses).
10. A watch with a LUMINOUS dial and an alarm function so that I don’t forget to take any medications.I am sorry for changing my list at such a late stage but I have recently met with my counsellor and we have identified NEW NEEDS (some of the things on the list we agreed to disagree on).
@oss wrote:
9. A car that goes at a thousand miles an hour and uses stones instead of petrol.
Wake up and smell your own cheese please ffs – cars barely go above 200mph – so you think in your wish you are gonna be granted a car that could perform the quatum leap, you so need to take speed just to slow your reality down, you twassac :lol:10. A hundred pairs of socks – one for every day of the year.
So there is ony one hundred days in the year feck me – i’m 102 years old alredy and there was me thinkin i was 34. Again ya twassac there is 364 days in a year therefore needing 364 pairs of socks to last a year unless of course you have a washing machine, in which case 10 /20 pairs should last ya if you wash them :lol:
sorry for picking faults Pan Strik – please rehearse your speech next time :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Oh dear me Oss! Too much time in the sun, maybe? Next you’ll be telling us cars can’t run on stones instead of petrol….. Away and post some photos of your ear or something :)
