[Nicey]

Happy Birthday Blonde! xx

Hope it’s a great day! :D

Nicey xx

Enjoy the cake …..

[Nicey]

Happy Birthday rusty xxxx

cop a feel of those jugs :D

[Nicey]

… makes a note ……

Su = curlywurly-trollop???

[Nicey]

Wishing you every happiness for your future. :D

Have a fantastic day!
Love, Nicey xxxx

PS Save me some of the buffet please :D

[Nicey]

@rusty trawler wrote:

@simplysu wrote:

FAO Mr. R Trawler, esq.
…

Dear Ms Su

What an absolute pleasure it was to receive your letter.

You will undoubtedly have noted that respondents to my little appeal appeal, for the most part, appear to be performing a volte face and, reminiscent of someone recovering from a brief bout of amnesia, they are recalling that they had made previous arrangements with some fabricated suitor. Others have either ensured my life is in constant peril or taunted me with images of ladies in states of undress that would promote a seizure from most red blooded men or promised ‘serving jugs’ only never to be heard from again (not very nice, Ms Nice).

These taunts and titillations are sufficient to upset the equanimity of a saint. Show me a sincere and loving maiden and I will fix my eyes upon hers with nothing less than pure admiration, granted should she momentarily relax her reciprocal gaze, I may covertly sneak a peak at her ample assets – but then I am but a man (despite recent rumours to the contrary). So I am sure you will not be surprised when I report that my constitution is presently a little weak; there is only so much rejection and derision a gentleman can take without ruinous effect.

However I detected much sincerity in your letter, and that has encouraged the gathering of the necessary strength and wherewithal to respond in kind. Dare I say that your letter had been an absolute tonic and, although I am unable to always rely on my anatomy to react similarly, my dander is up. I will therefore endeavour to deal with my detractors at a suitable later date.

You willingness to arm wrestle for my affections has been noted with some relish. What a quaint proposition. Although I feel compelled to remind you that I’m a gentleman and the idea of engaging in such a debauch spectacle with a lady of your standing is quite a questionable notion. Perhaps I could suggest a tumble as more palatable alternative? With the exception of a tumble, I find most physical encounters quite challenging. My comparisons to Adonis have become rather infrequent in recent years, although some have hinted that I have a certain Errol Flynn swordsman-like quality. Actually, taking into consideration the signed NDA, I ought to confess to being more akin to somewhere between the Errol Flynn-like and the worm quality that you casually intimated at. I’ll convey more details once I have double checked the authenticity of the signature on the NDA.

I’m drawn to your proposition of a tandem ride, but due to my lack of skill, I cannot promise we will cover much distance. My last attempt lasted less than five minutes. I had an exceptionally good time, but my female fellow rider wanted to get right back on, and as much as the heart was willing, alas, the body was unable to comply.

I cannot feign surprise at the sad demise of my manservant; his life has perilously been in the balance ever since he began to secretly steam open my letters, which only engendered within him ideas above his station: believing that he was somehow my social equal, he recently entered into a torrid affair with one of my correspondents. As intoxicating as she may be, she is a femme fatale that no man has yet been able to match.

Besides, given your knowledge of the Dewey classification system, I don’t think I will reminisce too much about his traditional services; I’m rather elated at the prospect of replacing him with a Rubenesque librarian.

Kind regards,

Rusty Trawler

P.S: I’m afraid CheekyLittleMinx has depleted my supply of CurlyWurlies. Would it be possible for me to entice you with a Sherbet Dip?

Dear Mr Crawler,
Please accept my sincere apologies for the tardiness of this reply. I have unfortunately been indisposed, having recently suffered a mishap whilst visiting the Temple of Mammon, known locally as The Trafford Centre.

Having bounded rather too enthusiastically into Selfridges to search for a suitable outfit for our forthcoming date, my large serving jugs became entangled in the revolving doors.

The ensuing 3 hours were an oasis of pain and embarrassment, as 4 fire crews battled against both fatigue and hysterical laughter to free them from the “Doors of Doom” in front of approximately 100 shopper-spectators.

Thankfully the precious family heirlooms were liberated before the arrival of the BBC News crew from Media City in Salford, although I have been forced to spend several days at home in a prone position, waiting for the bruising and swelling to subside.

I am hoping to be able to get through the door by the weekend.

I look forward to hearing from you in the near future to discuss the finer details of our rendez-vous, although I must warn you that my General Practitioner has specifically discouraged me from any sudden, repeated, vigorous movement for the time being, so I suspect I will be unable to partake of the “jiggy” you so generously offered.
Kindest regards,
Nicey x

[Nicey]

Well .. what can I say?
I am surprised and delighted to achieve this award :o :D
I never expected it at all and it comes as a great shock.
I would like to thank one or two people, but don’t worry, I will keep it short sniff

I must thank my family, without whom none of this would have been possible –
my mum and dad who have always encouraged and helped me snifffff
(and of course who conceived me in the first place)

my siblings (the constant bullying forced me to be strong and strive to succeed)

my grandparents (sadly deceased now, but they supported me constantly during the early years – I remember them so well, especially how granny Ethel smelt funny and grandpa Alf used to shout inappropriate words during Songs of Praise),

my aunts and uncles, my cousins and their spouses
(except for Jean’s husband Tim, who is far too free with his hands at family functions)

Thank you all sniff sniff

[What? No I haven’t finished yet …..tut …]

I would very much like to thank my friends … if only I knew where they now lived … so many of them (OK all of them) seem to have moved house (or country) without leaving me their new address. I am certain this has absolutely nothing to do with my habit of whipping out my notebook & pencil and writing down any secrets they confided in me.

Naturally I thank my good friends in JC – too many to mention of course,
but a special thank you goes:
to mooooosey-pal for allowing me to lean on her rump and providing me with twifle during longer periods of note-taking snifff

to Penny for her friendship, humour and Charles’ empty boxes (only ones he’s finished with, I hasten to add)

to Link, londonmale and Lancy for providing so much detail for my notebooks

and of course … to Rose and Axante/AsianM, without whose engagements and forthcoming weddings I would never have made that lucrative book and film deal in the US.

Also a big thank you to LD for setting up these awards. snifff

It would be wrong of me not to mention all the other chatters in Forum 3 …. but you can’t be right all of the time ….

[Sorry? What? Yes I AM being quick …. how rude …]

I must thank those who helped me in the early years:
Mrs Bailey who gave me such encouragement at secondary school
(btw the socks with sandals look never really worked, dear)

Mr Langley whose lack of faith made me determined to do well NERRR to you :D/
(you can eat your words now, sitting there in your wee-stained trousers in that old people’s home)

Miss Barnes who marked my first ever essay and gave me a gold star snifff
(although it was a sad day when she turned up at school with pencils up her nose, underpants on her head, alternatively screaming “flibble” and rocking on her chair humming songs from “Mamma Mia” … I wonder what became of her?)

Mrs Johnson who gave me my first ever notebook and pencil
(the fact that she stole them from Tesco and has been on the run in South America ever since is really beside the point)

Miss Livesey who taught me to read and write
(there is no truth in the rumours that she regretted this on discovering she played a lead role in several notebooks from the primary years – the details of which she has never been able to live down)

[What? Tut! Yes I am nearly finished fgs … soooo rude]

Thanks are due to my counsellor … well all three of them really, who work tirelessly day and night to support me.
It really should be them receiving this award …..
but they didn’t take the notes .. it was me ME, ok? .. so tough!

Last, but certainly not least, enormous thanks got to –
David … my rock …. sniff …… my support … my true love
he has supported me through thick and thin
(he may be thin, but certain parts of his anatomy are thick … and long – very long =P~ … but I digress)

I really wou…….. :-# :arrow: :arrow: :arrow:

{What?? They turned my microphone off??? How very dare they? You’re security … I don’t give a **** ….}

[Nicey]

@irish_lucy wrote:

I dont care who it is and im not typing an essay just to get some jiggy, so who ever wants to be my cyber valentine i can promise alcohol and condoms and plenty of chocolate, Rohypnol will also be available (if wanted or required).

Good times guaranteed.

Lucy, Lucy … where is your dignity, woman?
You’re letting the side down! What would our sufragette sisters think?
At least you could FEIGN indifference for the first encounter!
Yours, in comradeship,
Nicey Pankhurst
:D

[Nicey]

Dear Crusty Brawler,
I may be interested in your offer of chocolate this February (being innocent, I am not sure what “jiggy” involves).
My qualifications and experience are as follows:
Qualifications
* expert with a notebook and pencil (which I am fond of licking)
* ample curvaceous assets
Experience
* I turn up naked and bring beer
I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Kind regards,
Nicey :)
PS Did I mention my pair of large jugs?

[Nicey]

Happy Birthday Tracy, Vicar and Su …
You can fight it out who gets which cake

[Nicey]

Awwww such cuuute little polar bears …… is that David Attenborough I can see in the background???

[Author]

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