[Cymorill]

i hope you dont mind some criticism that may make this sound slightly better??

try replacing the word spake with spoke it will make it sound more natural, and the line “the farther i dared to follow the path he led”, is a tad too long i feel, it could be shortened to simply the farther i dared to follow.

with the next line, “all the while fighting a hideous case”, you do not need to say it is hideous, because the “perpetual fear and dread” in the next line, tells the reader that it is an unpleasant task.

also if you change “bewitching words of love spake he” to, he spoke bewitching words of love, again it will seem more natural.

you could lose the sweet, before “october night” as well it will help it scan better.

with a suprising tendernes
he offered his hand
transporting us to greater heights
just as he planned

that is how i wouldve written that verse, sometimes less is more if you know what i mean?

in the next verse if you lose the “you see” it keeps it in line with the rest of the four lined verses, and lose the last verse completely, again less is more.

sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but as a writer of poetry myself i sometimes find that criticism however harsh can sometimes help us improve, as long as it is constructive. :wink: :D

[Cymorill]

Inside the doors are sealed to love
Inside my heart is sleeping
Inside the fingers of my glove
Inside the bones of my right hand
Inside it’s colder than the stars
Inside the dogs are weeping
Inside the circus of the wind
Inside the clocks are filled with sand
Inside she’ll never hurt me
Inside the winter’s creeping
Inside the compass of the night
Inside the folding of the land

Outside the stars are turning
Outside the world’s still burning

Inside my head’s a box of stars I never dared to open
Inside the wounded hide their scars, inside this lonesome sparrow’s fall
Inside the songs of our defeat, they sing of treaties broken
Inside this army’s in retreat, we hide beneath the thunder’s call

Outside the rain keeps falling
Outside the drums are calling
Outside the flood won’t wait
Outside they’re hammering down the gate

Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love’s an explosion,
Love is the fire of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
A violation, a mutilation, capitulation, love is annihilation.

Inside the failures of the light, the night is wrapped around me
Inside my eyes deny their sight, you’d never find me in this place
Inside we’re hidden from the moonlight, we shift between the shadows
Inside the compass of the night, inside the memory of your face

Outside the walls are shaking
Inside the dogs are waking
Outside the hurricane won’t wait
Inside they’re howling down the gate

Love is the child of an endless war
Love is an open wound still raw
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love’s an explosion,
Love is the fire at the end of the world
Love is a violent star
A tide of destruction
Love is an angry scar
The pain of instruction
Love is a violation, a mutilation, capitulation,
Love is annihilation.

I climb this tower inside my head
A spiral stair above my bed
I dream the stairs don’t ask me why,
I throw myself into the sky

Love me like a baby, love me like an only child
Love me like an ocean; love me like a mother mild
Love me like a father, love me like a prodigal son
Love me like a sister, love me like the world has just begun
Love me like a prodigy, love me like an idiot boy,
Love me like an innocent, love me like your favorite toy
Love me like a virgin, love me like a courtesan,
Love me like a sinner, love me like a dying man.

Annihilate me, infiltrate me, incinerate me, accelerate me, mutilate me, inundate me, violate me, implicate me, vindicate me, devastate me

Love me like a parasite, love me like a dying sun
Love me like a criminal, love me like a man on the run

Radiate me, subjugate me, incubate me, recreate me, demarcate me, educate me, punctuate me, evaluate me, conjugate me, impregnate me, designate me, humiliate me, segregate me, opiate me, calibrate me, replicate me

[Cymorill]

In the moonlight
When the shadows play
When the thought of what could happen
Takes your breath away
Sighs and whispers
Quiet laughter in the air
Unspoken invitations everywhere

In the moonlight
All the words you say
Make it relatively easy
To be swept away
In the half-light
Can we trust the way we feel
Can we be sure that anything is real?

Stars keep secrets as they wander indiscretely
While the echoes of a song go drifting by
We must be careful not to lose our way completely
Or the magic that we seek here
We can’t be sure will be here

In the morning
With the moon away
And if in each other’s arms
Is where we’re meant to stay

In the love light
When our eyes have grown accustomed to the daylight
We’ll see what waits for us to share
For all the things we’ve dreamed of in the moonlight
Will be there

[Cymorill]

daydreamer get a hold of yourself
before you dream your life away
daydreamer live your life day by day
dont make plans for the future

all your dreams seem to crumble and fall
before you get to live them
where is the sense in it all
you’ll never get to see them

daydreamer you have to live for today
there may be no tomorrow
daydreamer just let it all go
you’ll only end up screaming

[Cymorill]

Be hold the way our fine feathered friend
His virtue doth parade
Thou knowest not my dim witted friend
The picture thou hast made
Thy vacant brow and thy tousled hair
Conceal thy good intent
Thou noble upright, truthful, sincere
And slightly dopey gent

You’re my funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art
Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentine’s day!

[Cymorill]

thanks angel, have read some of your work and i must say you have quite a talent there. :D

[Cymorill]

I thought you’d be out of my mind
And I’d finally found a way to learn to live without you
I thought it was just a matter of time
Till I had a hundred reasons not to think about you

But it’s just not so
And after all this time, I still can’t let go

I’ve still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory, baby

I’ve got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of my fingertips
This love so deep inside of me, baby

I’ve tried everything that I can
To get my heart to forget you
But it just can’t seem to

I guess it’s just no use
In every part of me
Is still a part of you

And I’ve still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory, baby

I’ve got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of her fingertips
This love so deep inside of me, baby

I’ve still got your face
Painted on my heart
Painted on my heart
Painted on my heart, oh baby

Something in your eyes keeps haunting me
I’m trying to escape you
And I know there ain’t no way to
To chase you from my mind

I’ve still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory baby

I’ve got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of my fingertips
This love so deep inside of me, baby

I’ve still got your face
I’ve still got your face
Painted on my heart
Painted on my heart

[Cymorill]

Whenever I Say Your Name

Sting

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
Whatever bread’s in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I
taste
Whenever your memory feeds my soul, whatever got broken becomes
whole
Whenever I’m filled with doubts that we will be together

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I’m calling out your name

Whenever those dark clouds hide the moon
Whenever this world has gotten so strange
I know that something’s gonna change
Something’s gonna change

Whenever I say your name, Whenever I say your name, I’m already
praying, I’m already praying
I’m already filled with a joy that I can’t explain
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I’m on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I’m already
praying

Whenever this world has got me down, whenever I shed a tear
Whenever the TV makes me mad, whenever I’m paralyzed with fear
Whenever those dark clouds fill the sky, whenever I lose the
reason why
Whenever I’m filled with doubts that we will be together

Whenever the sun refuse to shine, whenever the skies are pouring
rain
Whatever I lost I thought was mine whenever I close my eyes in
pain
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I’m calling out your name

Whenever this dark begins to fall
Whenever I’m vulnerable and small
Whenever I feel like I could die
Whenever I’m holding back the tears that I cry

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
I’m already praying
Whatever bread’s in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I
taste
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I’m forced to lie awake and
have to weep
Whenever I’m on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I’m already
praying

Whenever I say your name,
No matter how long it takes,
One day we’ll be together

Whenever I say your name,
let there be no mistake
that day will last forever

this is from Stings sacred love album, it is a duet and i think the lyrics say it all, its also a lovely peice of music. :)

[Cymorill]

Its been a long road, getting from there to here.
Its been a long time, but my time is finally near.
And I can feel the change in the wind right now. Nothings in my way.
And theyre not gonna hold me down no more, no they’re not gonna hold me down.

Cause Ive got faith of the heart.
Im going where my heart will take me.
Ive got faith to believe. I can do anything.
Ive got strength of the soul. And no ones gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. Ive got faith, faith of the heart.

Its been a long night. Trying to find my way.
Been through the darkness. Now I finally have my day.
And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And theyre not gonna hold me down no more, no they’re not gonna change my mind.

Cause Ive got faith of the heart.
Im going where my heart will take me.
Ive got faith to believe. I can do anything.
Ive got strength of the soul. And no ones gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. Ive got faith, faith of the heart.

Ive known the wind so cold, Ive seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
Ive been through the fire and Ive been through the rain.
But Ill be fine …

Cause Ive got faith of the heart.
Im going where my heart will take me.
Ive got faith to believe. I can do anything.
Ive got strength of the soul. And no ones gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. Ive got faith, faith of the heart.

Cause Ive got faith of the heart.
Im going where my heart will take me.
Ive got faith to believe. I can do anything.
Ive got strength of the soul. And no ones gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. Ive got faith, faith of the heart.

[Cymorill]

to be honest i find the double standards involved with peoples views to do with breastfeeding in public a little odd, i mean lets face it the very same feeding devices are in practically every daily newspaper, so why are women made to feel like they are doing something wrong when feeding in public?

as to breast feeding a child at 8 or 9 i do admit i find that extremely odd.

[Author]

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