My heart goes out to you my darling girl, i myself had a similar experience involving my father and the advice that has been given is right you feel what you feel and this is never wrong. She was your mother and gave you life and of course you feel a great deal of loss, your brain is protecting you from the pain at this time but emotions will hit you like a wave in time, i think you will grieve for what you should have had and now you will never know.
and btw dont let anyone feel bad for what you put on the boards, i felt you put it up because it isnt to personal
all my love and hugs x