[chowa]

Sueh1960 wrote:

At this present moment I hate my life. Nothing has gone right for the last three years. So many changes and usually not for the good. And I haven’t a clue how to change anything as confidence is rock bottom.

Hi Sueh1960,
I am really sorry to hear that. I hope that you know that this too will pass. In 2010, my heart failed and I had to have emergency surgery. My family and friends – some wanted to be with me and couldn’t, and some didn’t bother. I didn’t even get a phone call before and I was SO scared. A year and a half later, I was hit by a car. And a year and a half after that a car ran me and my fam into three other SUV’s.
It took me a long time of being stressed to come to a point of.. these things happened. They were mostly out of my control but I responded the best I could. All I can do is forgive myself for the things I did wrong and the choices I made ignorantly and move forward and try to do better.

What I would suggest is finding a good friend and confident that you have known a long time.. or even speaking to a licensed psychologist or counselor if you must. They have a bad rap, but spent years and years in school to try and help people. In the US, they aren’t allowed to release anything you speak of to anyone unless it involves a crime.. so can help one get some ideas.

Sometimes, it’s like Martin said – just putting one foot in front of the other.. and a lot of times it’s baby steps.

For me, it’s outlook. it’s all about taking inventory emotionally, spiritually, physically, and then figuring out where I should be vs where I am (and why I think those things). Then, I make a plan. I figure out what one thing I want to work on.. and I move forward.

Man, this degree has taken me years longer than I first planned – due to the many hardships. but I have things to be grateful for. So, I just realize that things are what they are, and I was ablt to see things to be grateful for. It’s weird but the sense of gratitude and the inventory of what I didn’t realize I had – along with the freedom of getting to make my own choices finally – really has helped me. I would say I am a different person than a year ago. :) More like who I once was – and I rather liked that girl.

Martin is right, I think. It’s a journey. Just gotta take it a day at a time. I don’t know if I helped at all. And I’m sorry it’s been rough. I wish there were some kind of help.

For a lark I will tell ye that when things were really bad, I used to fantasize about writing a letter to Oprah or going to one of her shows – – maybe she would give ME a car or a house like so many haha. I’m glad I am self-made now. :) Hang in there, kiddo. :)

[chowa]

headintheclouds74 wrote:

Hi Chowa, Good question as this something I have been mulling over for few months now. After a battle with depression where this year it really was rock bottom, I have managed to pick myself up again. This year has not been good health wise for me or my family (all unexpected). My grandmother who I adored passed away unexpectedly in May and although she was a grand age and had a great life, it still broke my heart :( as she was everything to me. My life is okay. It is not necessarily what I would like it to be but I am being positive because life is too short not to be. I have my off days like anyone but need to keep my spirits up for my daughter. I love my job but would like to work more hours but on other hand I absolutely hate change and I have lost a lot of confidence. I would like to study something but don’t know what. It just seems to be a lot of ifs and buts at the moment. I am 42, divorced, single mum, single and I kind of just don’t know where I am going right now

Hi HeadintheClouds.  Thank you for posting! I am so sorry that I haven’t replied back in so long. Just life has left me so busy that I mostly fall asleep when I get home, minues an hour or half an hour of half awake in the chat room(s).

I can understand having a broken heart from losing someone you love. There is a very big difference between KNOWING in our MIND that someone is old and can go and that death is a necessary evil, and another thing, wholeheartedly, to FEEL it and to EXPERIENCE it. I don’t think I know you well enough to give you true words of comfort. But I do remember losing my great aunt Ruth a long time ago and I still think of her fondly all of these years later – but it changed me greatly at a young age. So hang onto yourself, sweetie.

I think it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and I am glad to hear that you have a great job. I understand needing more hours but do warn you to be careful with what you wish for. I searched for a part time gig and ended up with a just under full-time one and it’s CRAZY busy. I work extra time almost every day and I do miss the time with my littlest son. So, yes, my dear, it sounds like you are right about waiting.. as long as your family can handle it.

I wonder if change comes harder for each of us as we age? I’ve always handled anything life would throw at me – whether its consequence sof me or someone else or just some random thing… but I do find that as I age, I am a little more daunted by major changes and requirements. ;o I wonder how much of that is in the head..

Don’t worry – over time you will get your bearings and I’m sure figure out in what direction life is leading for you to go. I get the whats, ifs, and buts problem. I haven’t any solution for that, either. I know single parenting is quite demanding – I struggle with it, too. It’s the best thing and the worst thing. And even though my ex wasn’t the best, I do miss being married. I always wanted to be a mother and a wife, and a career woman, last. I managed them all but my marriages didn’t really last as I married too quickly.

But I have met so many different people from so many different walks of life. Seems that life always gives us plenty of opportunities to change our life in just about every way – for good and for bad. I think you can make it and I think this will pass. :)

You sound like a great mom!

[chowa]

I have noticed that some of the “new” girls that come in sometimes, have traits that are VERY like some of the men that come in sometimes. However, I really am not around long enough to tell as I’m so busy offline.

Regardless, I do find it a little creepy. I figure if someone is just experimenting, then they will tell the people they know in a discreet manner instead of pretending with every single person. PM’s work for that.

In terms of curiosity, the same is true. Transexuals really don’t apply because they still feel like a particular sex – they aren’t going back and forth.

Actually, I find dishonesty pretty creepy at times. There is such a huge difference between someone who tells ONE little white lie or someone who tells a giant one. Someone who tells ONE little white lie or someone who tells mostly little white lies. It’s usually fear based… but it’s still creepy.

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Blossom.

[chowa]

Do you guys find that there is a specific trigger that could make this happen more often? I am not sure if it’s fear of failure or frustration or what.
I DO try to do things.. and yet, they do not happen because of interruptions and what not.

You are right, it can be downright frustrating — or telling, too.  It certainly does take determination to finish, right?

Have you lads and lasses struggled with it your whole lives? Does it get worse or better for you with age?

Funny thing for me is it started with one particular area of my life.. and has been moving to others. Perhaps it’s apathy or being overwhelmed. Not sure.

I will try to make myself — maybe setting alarms would help.

And thanks for the laugh, my friends. Laughs and tips – the best things!!! :D
Keep sharing your stories and ideas – jokes, too! :D Maybe it will inspire me to get my arse moving! :D

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daisychain

[chowa]

I don’t want to add any fuel to a fire or anything..

I am in the United States, and I feel that we need to stop – as a general rule – thinking we are summit better than anyone else. We ARE NOT. We are war mongers and we push ourselves on other nations because we CAN.

The truth is.. wise travelers should read up on the nations they visit and try to obtain the customs. That being said, Americans are known for NOT doing that. All tourists, really, are. I understand that.

Yes, things are messed up in the U.S. if you expect them to be the same. They really are, in general. YES, we should have a higher minimum wage. We’ve been fighting for it but in many ways we do NOT have proper representation in the government, even though it is our constitutional right.

Also the myth of trickle down economics and the fear and greed of the elite keep the middle and working classes down.

Regardless, yes, here…
Waiters and Waitresses, Bartenders usually get paid ONLY in tips. Their hourly wage is about $3/hour. So, please try to remember.

In terms of others – you are supposed to tip the person that carries your luggage, and the person that cleans your room (if it’s an upscale place, on the last one – or if you feel they did a particularly good job). In some places, you tip the barista (that’s a person making your coffees), but in others you don’t. Tip: Look for the tip jar.

But yeah, your servers and bartenders LIVE on tips, or they don’t eat.

PS: America will NOT be a super power for long. Rome died out for much the same reason and in much the same way as the US has been… we will see what happens with us. I love America, but I don’t agree with all of our policies.

Please let’s try not to judge each other. There’s enough of that going on. Things have been getting worse lately.

[chowa]

Here’s the thing – it costs money to run a site. It costs money to host the server for the chat site (esp. one so big as this one, including boards). It costs money to manage and to moderate. It costs time (and time is money if one is qualified to have a career) to review Reports, to make adjustments to the site, to set up new accounts, and those are just baby tasks from running a site.

If it dropped a dollar or two, like a holiday special, would anyone join with a minimum of three months?

I mean, for me, it would cost me 2-3 cups of coffee to register. I think that most of us can pay for that. Maybe we could even donate a few extra dollars per annum (per user) to go to someone who was hard off.

Either way, I don’t think $7-$8/mo is so bad. It’s really not.

I like the chat site. I am glad it is here. And there are also the boards.
And yeah, I do get trolled sometimes. I just automatically block and I try to be nice. If blocking doesn’t work, as I can still hear half the convo, I ignore.

It’s been all too tiring lately anyways – so I am not really doing much here besides lurking and having a glass of wine or cider here or there. People should just remember the poor trolls are so SOCIALLY INEPT and mentally unstable.. and stop feeding them attention. They will eventually get bored – I’ve seen it happen repeatedly.

1 member liked this post.

union_jack

[chowa]

Im sorry for what you went through and I’m sorry for all of the harsh comments. I am sorry for how it can be – dating either online or offline – hard and cold, at times. Dissapointing, too.

But several I know found lasting love online – online local, though, in their city – but even still.

May you be blessed.. and ignore the trolls. Maybe if we don’t feed them, they will starve and go away..

And yes, I have noticed a trend. Like people feel they have the RIGHT to be nasty now – liberated somehow. It’s been the last few weeks and yeah, it’s too much at times.  Just hang in there – sounds like you have some good online friends. Don’t let people diss the friendships online, I have some friends I met online that have become real good friends over decades. Take care, OP.

[chowa]

Just then his poodle…

[chowa]

I guess I called that one wrong. I was totally in disbelief when 7rump won. I was glad, because it meant we wouldn’t be killing millions upon millions of people in other countries, or sending my three sons to war.

But I am very, very sad that 7rump won. I also am devastated that so many millennials and progressive baby boomers didn’t vote at all. What is that about? We NEEDED them to vote third party so we could have three official parties starting in 2020. But no, we won’t have that.

I really couldn’t see either one of them winning – I really thought a third party would win, or there would be a tie (what would happen if there were a tie, anyway).

Well…. I guess the whole world waits now. We have a Republican House and Senate now, and more Republicans in the Supreme Court. Obama didn’t appoint a Dem or Third party and if he leaves a vacancy in the Supreme Court, I shake to see who 7rump will put in.

I guess half of us deserve what we get, and the other half.. we are going to be dragged along. I know we aren’t the only country in the world, and I thank God for that. I really hope we don’t fall as hard as Rome did, though.

[chowa]

Freedom is…

getting to choose who you are, state who you are, be who you are.
believing what you choose.
getting educated or educating yourself, if you want to.
living peaceably how and where you want to.
speaking your mind..
raise your kids healthily how you choose to…
marry who you want to..
drive what car you want to…
manage without being assaulted, demeaned, or otherwise infringed upon if you do no illegal behavior..
voting and supporting who you wish to..

And all of the teenie tiny millions of choices we make every day, on our own, should we choose to.

Freedom is having the rights to your self ;)

[Author]

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