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Denmark summary – Well dont go to Denmark unless you now how to twist. These girls were obviously let down big time in the past with a twisting partner. But they are not mad – they have got over it and obviously learned to laugh about the memory.
We have silvery golden outfits, high energy and lots of posturing and wailing. Also a random Mexican thrown in perhaps straight from Germany’s entry.
Next up – Russia
Germany summary – Most people think nursery rhymes are simply fairy tales in song format. The characters surely cannot exist. Germany proves us wrong.
We have Little Bo Peep singing country with a bunch of Mexicans and inflatable cacti. If this song doesn’t make you want to reach for the tequilla, I dont know what will.
No chance of winning.
Next up – Denmark
Malta summary – We know the guy wants to do something, but we arent sure. Oh no, they lyrics develop to say it’s us that he wants to do. Seems like sex and white is the running theme of Eurovision this year.
OK this guy is Malta’s version of Michael Flatley, but with a face like Ricky Martin. Just imagine the parents. Oh hang on, now he wants to love us like a fool. Is he insulting us? Not that way to get votes, Ricky Flatley.
Gets points for nice eyebrows and enthusiastic female backing dancers. I actually rate this as a strong contender for winning. Mark my words.
Next up – Germany
Spain summary – Well we have ladies in red sitting at the back ‘singing’ and two in black writhing around on the stage (or are they women too???).
Sung in the style of a bunch of 6 year olds at a school talent contest who ended up coming last.
Truly awful. Not even cheesy choreography can save this one. May just clinch it.
Best lyrics – ‘Tuuutteee freeee, tuuuutteeee freeeee’
Next up – Malta
Norway summary – Yet another group all dressed in white. This time though we have a bunch of Norwegian models. Can this blatant attempt to win a song contest by using sex to sell the song work? Even amongst the prudes of Europe?
Very relaxed and dreamy – indeed, I think they may be trying to hypnotise us all into voting for them. Oh and we have the girls playing violins too!
I did not realised that Norway was so full of talent. But then again we are only seeing the women. Nice use of wind machine to wave around the sleek dresses too.
Has a good chance, but I think they lose it for not singing in English. Oh and for not doing the riverdance to their music. They lost the Irish vote at least just for that error.
Next up – Spain
Latvia summary – Oh my God. Just had to turn the volume down. Men screaming into microphones. But not with rock-like cool, rather with a heart-broken, testicle lost whine.
Now it is turning into some kind of Barber Shop rap with shoulder dipping and stepping to the side. I still can’t figure out if they are singing in English or Latvian.
Oh, and right at the end he pulls a plastic heart out of his pocket and raises it above his head. Genius.
Next up – Norway
Israel summary – I think this whole routine was stolen from the local chuch at choir time. All dressed in white, starts with a guy lying over a piano. Now as he sings, he moves in amongst the female church goers.
Oh, now he just grabbed his groin and done a little twist. Church in Israel must be far more interesting than the ones I have been to here.
Next up – Latvia.
Moldova summary – Moldova’s version of Peter Andre along with Moldova’s version of Britney Spears. Just as you think you have seen it all, some guy rides onto stage on a scooter and starts rapping.
Best lyric, ‘Hey loca give me your boca, and I’ll give you my choca’
I tip this as favourite to win so far.
Next up Israel.
Switzerland summary – apparently a bunch of drunks, with the guys managing to grab a few pennies to buy some rather fetching hats.
Next up – Moldova.
@james Belfast wrote:
If so, will JC be prepared to pay our libel costs?
Ummm no, ‘fraid not. Need the cash for me luxury yacht – turns out the heater for the swimming pool I just got installed is faulty. :evil: