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What is this Glasgow meat please? Here in Nigeria we have goat and meat from the fat cows, is this same as Glasgow?
Dear Mr Ugo I see that you have the honoured position of JC Village Idiot that has been awarded to you by Mr Martin.
He is clearly a wise man and he know many things.
We also have a village idiot her in my village in Yobi State in Nigeria. it is most saddening that he have got ill and cannot do his work too much so we have to say to him goodbye.
This sad fact means that we have a need for another idiot to work in my village and my business accomplices have made me to ask you if you can do this job?
It is not too much work and all you do is to dance about for to amuse the people with your foolishness and silly antics. This is something you do here already yes?
Please say that you will be our village idiot as soon as you can.
Venerable Sunny, the men of my village are awaiting for you to come for them and they will fill your belly with plenty Nigerian meat.
Dear Mr John’s boy, I have read of your plight and can honestly say that this happen all the time here in Nigeria.
We have many bad men who steal the softlyware from the Microsoft and try to cheat in this way as you did too. They do not get caught too often by Mr Gates and his henchmen.
Recently this bad man Gates has been installing a piece of his softlyware to capture all men who illegally use the computer operation system. This has made many men angry with him because they not pay for the licence to Mr Gates.
Here in Nigeria we throw away the computer if this happen and steal another one from the tourist. They pretty stupid anyway so it not important.
Shall you throw away your computer and steal some more softlyware?
Dear and honoured Sunny, Thank to you for your speedy reply to my plea. We can give you the assurance that you can travel in the clothes that you stand in no problem.
This track suit you wear sounds most smart and may be too smart for us humble people. We shall provide you with the fine cloth for to make you the dresses to wear here. Please do not wear too much of the gold. My business accomplices are honest men but they can be tempted by riches and there are thieves everyplace.
I am so pleased that your many children can steal the car radio so quick. We believe most strongly in recycling in Nigeria and they will make plenty riches in this way.
I have spoken with my very good freind who work for the Yobi State government and he say that your mobile telephone will be most welcome for him and he help you to use it real good.
I did show your picture to the men of the village especially the one with the operating mark and they all say that you are most fat indeed and cannot wait to look more closely upon you.
Please do not be concerned about being too old – our men venerate the elderly fat women unlike your UK men who pass them over the hill.
We shall see you on the boat of my cousin near to Mr Tommy’s flooded house on top of the hill in the Yorkshire.
Dear lady in distress. My heart has been very toughed by your position. here in Nigeria we have the poorness too. Your husband must be a big big man with plenty strength as you have five children. This is very brave.
We too have the bugs in some of the homes in the village but the lucky family get to catch them and they are to be eaten. these bugs make a good soup with snake meat added. We are lucky in this respect that we have plenty bugs. In some villages including mine we have a man who has the job to catch the bugs – we call him the bugger man.
It is a great honour to have the bugger in the house and he can make busy with all the other men in the village.
My business accomplices would like to send you the money that they have left over from a big government contract. This is $150,000 but they can let you have a small part of it. They say that they make gift to you of 10% which is plenty money and is $15,000.
If you send to me the information of your bank account and your personal details I shall make sure that my accomplices use them for you.
your very good freind,
Adeboje
She will enjoy a goodly portion of best Nigerian meat Mr Tommy I can promise to you like this.
Soon she will want no other meat but the best stuffing Nigeria can give her. We have goats, chickens and many cocks and we can let her take her choice of the cocks for her appetite.
You speak the truth Mr Tommy like this. I do not know this Stevenage f – is she really a woman? Perhaps the ”f” refers to fat so how does she not call herself Stevenage fat?
The mad Batwoman and her spare parts is most unusual and she can make us go in our lorry very well. The Sunny and the Cath woman are both exceedingly fat and will be made very welcome indeed for this.
My business accomplice will be depart soon for your shores and will bring you the chicken as I promise to you.
@hermangrrrman! wrote:
How the f00k do you get access to the internet living in a mud hut ffs? How do you generate the electricity you need for it? *Smileys Goat springs to mind* :lol:
My freind Mr German you are most correct in what you say but our Chief he have a big connection with the Yobi State and he allow us to use his electric which he have for the computer and the radio transmission.
We are most advanced in this way and we even have a television in the village. Yobi State TV is able to use the most modern Western technology for their notorious broadcastings of the President’s address and many other programmes like this.
Just because we in Africa you know does not mean we all cannibals and we make much export of our 419’s to your esteemed country for our benefits.
Mr Tommy, this makes much sadness for me to say this thing to you. But here in Nigeria we are stopped from putting the meat in the manhole.
In this same way we are not to fill a man’s animals either because this might spoil his meal later when he is to feed himsefl and his wifes on it.
So you good friend Mr Snoopy cannot be incorporated within the excellent shipment of British beef that you are allowing me to have from you. He may be a fat one (and you know how much we love the fat ones here) but even we in a poor country must obey the traffic law and not go the wrong way up a one way street.
I do most sincerely hope that this will not stop the fat women like this Cath and the Sunny from coming.
