You Know You’re Old When . .

*Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

*Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

*You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

*6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

*You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

*You watch the weather channel.

*Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”

*Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

*You’re the one calling the police because those #%$@! kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

*Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

*Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

*You take naps.

*Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

*Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

*You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

*A £3.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

*You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

*”I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

*90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

*You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

*When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”