Witches Prepare ….

Rose petal grabbed the box from the Parcel Delivery Man without even saying thank you. Most unlike her but she had one mega mood on her today. She was promised a morning delivery but had ended up wasting a whole morning and most of the afternoon waiting in for the package. She could have asked old Mrs Simpson , next door to take in her delivery but she was a nosey old whatsit at the best of times and Rose petal, didn’t want the contents of this box discussed down the post office on pension day.

Placing the plain brown box on the kitchen table, she pulled out her Chinese chopping knife used for killing lobster for her famous thermidor and had the box open in seconds. Oh Rose petal was excited as she surveyed the contents of the box. All black and shiny with silver zips just as the advert had promised. She felt rather clever with herself as she realised she had finally come up with a solution for the constant fights. As she placed the black shiny leather gimp masks into her vanity bag she wondered who would be the first to wear one. She had enough to gimp everyone up, they were on a special BOGOF offer, MerrymoronGutbucket had given her the nod.

Jadey was sniffling down the phone. “I can’t do it Nanna, everytime I try and take off I end up with my head in a bush.”

Annettepushacurtain, tutted on the end of the phone, as she sat down in her rocking chair made by her fist lover. She always felt closer to Wally when she sat and rocked. He was a lovely man, if only he hadn’t been so intent on being England’s Axe champion and upsetting the Scottish one in the process, he might still be here today.

“Jadey I did tell you that no one buys a broom stick from Romford market” Annette rocked a little harder.

“I know but I wanted the pink sparkly Barbie doll version, what do I want a boring black one for?” Jadey stopped wailing and wondered what the funny squeaking noise was coming from Nanna’s phone.

“Oh well, I will be over at 6, I’ll bring my spare and if we can’t get yours going you will just have to have the boring black one tut, now go and try your new dress on and send me a picture”.

This seemed to calm Jadey down. “Ok Nanna love you.” With that she was gone
Annettepullacurtain carried on rocking. Jadey had described what she was wearing tonight, a figure hugging gold lame sausage skin dress complete with hat. “May the good lord forgive us” she muttered.

Queen B and Boo were in the bathroom fake baking. The bathroom walls were a strange earth colour, the bath no longer white but brown. Three hours they had been at it. Queen B, looked as if she could start singing “mammy” and pass for one of the long lost black and white minstrels. Shame the same couldn’t be said for Boo, two cans later and she had only managed half a Boo bum.

Blonde Bomber Bolton, had spent most of the day in bed. She had woken early enough but after her first cup of tea, she had been violently sick. Her normal breakfast of smoked kippers had not appealed to her either. Blonde felt decidedly ropey. She looked in the mirror and realised that she did indeed look rather pale. Grabbing a thermometer from the bathroom cabinet she took it out of the wrapping and took a deep breath. Just as she was waiting long enough for the reading a thought suddenly occurred to her and she felt the blood drain from her face. “Oh no!”, Blonde had a dreadful premonition, she couldn’t remember the last time she had a period. Blonde fell backwards as she fainted with thermometer still firmly clamped up her bottom.

Born-feral was still in bed. She turned to face Cucumber who was looking very snug with his head on the pillow and duvet cover tucked up around his neck. He was wearing his favourite pink pom pom hat. Born poked him, “We gotta get up now Cucumby, Blonde will shout at us if we are late.” The cucumber said nothing and pretending to carry on sleeping as Born-Feral threw back the duvet and padded into the bathroom.

………….. As the witches of miffedwick prepare for the night of spellbinding debauchery the heavens open and rain comes down in sheets.

Thin ice-no dice no ice is in his secret location planking. He giggles to himself, thinking he has fallen on the secret location for the witches to meet……… soaked to the skin he is too busy thinking of all the witches who will descend and fall for his natural charm.

“Guaranteed shag tonight my lurvely” he says to the rock he is planking on.

……………….To be continued :twisted: