Witches back from retirement 1

Blonde Bomber Bolton was procrastinating. “Hmmm” She muttered to her cat “why do I do this when I have so many important things to do.” Rummaging around in the drawer of her neon mock wood sideboard, she finally found what she was looking for.

Rosie opened one eye just to see if there was any food on offer, “nope not even a sausage” she thought, so went back to sleep.

Blonde sat down on her neon mock wood sofa and reached over with both hands to pick up her hand held phone that was the size of an encyclopaedia. She had purchased the phone from ebay, specifically for the task she was about to perform. It promised to go undetected even by the FBI, also happened to be one of Osama bin Laden’s secret weapons and the major contributing factor to his capture but of course, the seller from China had omitted to publish that fact when placing his advert.

Blonde put her reading glasses on, concentrating hard she tapped out the number that was written on the piece of paper.

Deep in the moors Joker was in the middle of milking his goats when his pocket started to vibrate. “Oh pigging hell” he muttered “What idiot is calling me at this time of the day?” Squirting goat’s milk in his face , reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his mobile, he glanced at the screen, he didn’t recognise the number. “Ello who is it?”

Blonde Bomber Bolton sat up “oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah oh oooooh ooooh ooooh ah ah ah ooohooo”

Rosie shot up from her sleep, on days like this she wished she had been left in the cat home.

Blonde even did monkey movements with her free arm whilst she did her best chimpanzee impersonation.

Rosie had shot up so high she was swinging from the Swarovski crystal chandelier. Crystals rained down on Blonde like arrows from a Mohican attack. Stepping on crystals she galloped around the room …“oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah oh oooooh ooooh ooooh ah ah ah ooohooo.”

Joker shot back from his milking stool. “I’ve told you before leave me alone you ruddy monkey”. He hung up and threw the phone down on a pile of straw. Putting his stool back, he sat down and rued the day he gave his number out in a chat room. When Sandra said she was 5ft with blonde curly hair, a famous actress and big in Tips, he was expecting Barbara Windsor. He had no idea he was chatting on line to the chimpanzee who was part of the Tipps, family and starred in adverts for PG Tipps back in the 1970’s.

“Ruddy PG Tipps” he muttered to the goat, “that is why I only drink Yorkshire tea and I don’t meet any ladies from internet.” ….. To be continued ….
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