Who will Sponsor me for Children in Need?

I have just realised that I have failed to enter a marathon or order a clown outfit and bucket for Children in Need. I think this is a very worthwhile charity. Think of all those innocent children having to go on TV and be patted on the head by Terry Wogan or Gary Glitter for example – this is awful and has been proven to leave long-lasting scars, yet nobody seems to be willing to do anything about it! I fully intend to do my bit to help. It is my intention to go out this afternoon and rescue as many children as I can and prevent Wogan and his gang patronising them on national television. I will hide them away somewhere safe (can’t say where for obvious reasons but let’s just say I know someone with a warehouse that is available until the start of the strawberry season). When Children in Need is over and everyone has gone back to their radio programmes or whatever, I will release them back into the community in a carefully manage programme. I need some money to do this as I need to be able to feed the rescued children for up to a month and coco-pops cost £1.50 a packet. I would be grateful if people here would help by offering to sponsor me for every child that I rescue. I would imagine I would need somewhere in the region of a quarter of a million pounds but just give whatever you can afford or sell a piece of furniture. If anyone has any better ideas to help Children in Need, of course, i would be very glad to hear of them…….