Where Have You Been?

Only two :)

My caravan and I have visited the United States (where we pitched camp for a couple of years), Canada, Germany, France, Austria (Ooooooooh Vienna), Holland, Belgium, Iceland, Singapore, Australia, Malta, Cyprus (though I was very young and feel a bit of a cheat claiming it), Greece (my honeymoon), Switzerland and Italy. I’m sure to have missed some.

I’m not counting Wales, Ireland and Scotland on account they drink as much tea as we do. :D

Nowhere, im the saddo that clicked none :( :( :( :(

tried once, got as far as airport, couldnt do it :oops: :(

I have been to England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, Germany, France, Spain, Belgium, Holland, Cyprus, Iraq, Denmark, Yugoslavia (when i was a kid), Czecheslovakia (when i was a kid), Switzerland, Poland, Italy there might be a few more but i forget :lol:

@pikey wrote:

@Ow£n Ka$h wrote:

What were your impressions?

I missed this bit. An excellent chance to make like Rimbaud or maybe Iain Sinclair on his hols. My impressions:

The United States. The rebel territories still named after Penn, Mary and Elizabeth. One of the hands on the carpetbagger’s declaration a clansman of mine. Flags on graves without any irony. The Post Road. My Upstate New York was cold, dark and menacing. The woods whispered half remembered terrors. The college girls were rich and romantic. The Frat boys were rich and ugly. Westport, Connecticut. Poor people hidden away. Volvos and Beemers driven like badges of pride. Cop infested Manhattan. The New Jersey Shore. Ibiza for septic youth. The suburbs of Philadelphia were like one giant industrial estate in Swindon. No pavements to take an honest boot. Nothing to scratch below the surface. Philadelphia was like New York’s elder brother. Glorious and successful in its own day but now surpassed and struggling to keep up with its mighty sibling. Gothic and yearning. Williamsburg. Its soul preserved in formaldehyde and betrayed to the past. South of the Border – Mexico as one big Speedy Gonzalez dream thousands of miles out of place. Amsterdam-by-the-Caribbean Savannah has kept Georgia on my mind for years. Delight, food and blues underground. Florida. Clean and exciting Dayton giving way to Kissimmee’s Arthurian pastiche, cartoons and film sets giving way to Hemingway’s Keys of surreal imaginings.

Canada. Borders and people half self consciously remembering to say pop and eh.

Germany. The Mohne dam with its downed Lancaster tail rising defiantly. Korbecke. The pied piper walls of Soest. Playing marbles at school. Squid bonks, China whites before they meant anything else. No litter.

France. Booze and motorways.

Vienna. Dusty manuscripts. Buildings that spoke of unimaginable glory and hubris. Watching football with foreigners who wanted England to win purely because I was there with them. Steins and laughs and a common understanding and acceptance of history. The sense that empire was done and dust and lessons had been learned.

Holland. Freedom and seediness. The greeting of shady gentlemen, You wanna buy some heroin? Falling in gutters and laughing ’til bladders were weak.

Belgium. Motorways with so many lights. Like daytime at midnight. The kindness of a random petrol station attendant who didn’t have to help but did anyway.

Iceland. The dome of the airport. The treeless landscape. The strange look in everyone’s eye. Very friendly Danish girls.

Singapore. Breathtaking. Literally. Exiting the air conditioned airport and having to physically gasp because of the closeness and humidity. No seediness at all. Almost a negative of the ‘Dam.

Australia. Vastness. Old bones. Admirable lack of respect for class.

Malta. Layers. If Singapore is an impressionistic negative of the ‘Dam, then Malta is King Of Prussia, PA, turned inside out. You could keep scratching for a lifetime and still find a new layer beneath each surface.

Cyprus. I remember a rocking horse at the bottom of stairs. I remember running and howling, chased by a bee. I remember tipping orange squash down the sink and getting a telling off.

Greece. Mountains and islands. Beaches and bars. Souvlaki and Amstel. Sex and dozing.

Switzerland. Skis, slopes and snow. Cold noses and schnapps. And wood. A lot of wood.

Italy. The company of clever men and cities that could melt your soul. Anthropology lectures in a language I did not know.

FFS Owen why did you have to ask the question “What were your impressions” ](*,)