Top Five

THE TOP 5 SMART @SS ANSWERS:

#5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate waiting to take
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat… she
said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

#4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
she couldn’t find one large enough for her whole family. She asked a stock
boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

#3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.

#2 A truck driver is driving along the freeway ! when a sign comes up that
reads: “LOW BRIDGE AHEAD.” Before He knows it, the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas.”

And The Number One Smart Ass Answer:

A college professor reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now
class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for not being here Tomorrow. Maybe
nuclear attack, serious personal injury, or a death in the family, but
that’s it. No other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart @ss guy in the back raises his hand and asks, “What would you say
if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?”
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the professor smil! es knowingly at the student, shakes her head
and sweetly says: “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your
other hand.”