" THE WEDDING " Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Coach_Driver looked around the village hall and could barely believe his eyes.

Chaos.

Pies slid down the walls, the inmates were covered in cream, fruit, and Lurpak.

Knitting_My_Curtains was wearing Teacosyhat_males traffic cone on her head and

dancing to YMCA.

Mad_Divit_Fook_About had knocked SoonMadcow out and was winding gaffa tape round her mouth.

Clare_Dont_Dare_me was staggering about, mine sweeping everyones drinks,

and singing ” We’ll keep a welcomeeee… hic… in the hillside ….”

VeryImportantPeanut was pinned to he floor by Tuna_mary, were she was licking his face like an overly excited labrador.

PennyForAGuy had downed her 5th Gordons & Tonic and was swaying, doing her Burley Shassey impression.

“GoldFingers are Foreverrr…he’s the maaaannn with the goldennn bummmmm, theyyy are all i need …so pleaseeee meeee…”

Nice_Pies_Fem was trotting round the room on Ugly_asa_Moose ” shouting Tally Ho !!! Take me to David !!”

” Oh god… ” muttered Coach_Driver, and started yelling for everyone to get back on the chara ….

He then got Teacosyhat_male to help him wedge Merry back into the trailer and piled in the 14 doggybags Merry had collected in as well.

The inmates started shuffling and swaying back to the chara…

Bornfree_2_poo dragged the unconscious SoonMadcow out, and tied her to the roofrack.

Blonde dragged Alkiarse along the floor clinging to her ankle and blubbering…” Don’t leave me….”

Coach_Driver did a head count, ” hmmmmm … 1 missing.. stay here everyone”, he went back inside and searched.

Coach_Driver yanked the broom cupboard door open. Thick_Slice jumped and Coach_Driver heard the twang of knicker elastic. Thick_Slice looked sheepish, and the vicars wife ran out the broom cupboard, giggling, she had’nt had such a good time since her wedding night 62 yrs ago …

Thick slid back onto the coach and Coach_Driver started up the Chara.

” oh Blonde….you’d best come sit up front near me, incase i get another urgent phonecall” he smiled..

Blonde gave him a hard stare.

The tired sleepy inmates soon were dozing off… Teacosyhat_Male rested his head on Thicks shoulder and drooled down Thicks Silk shirt.

Lots of snoring and farting could be heard and Coach_Driver donned his gas mask.

Soon they were back at ‘The Pyschochatville Hospital for The Insane’.

Professor LD rushed out and sighed a tremendous sigh of relief, “thank god… all my little darlings are back safely”

The Proff gave an odd look at Merry in the trailer,, who appeared to be eating VeryImportantPeanut’s ‘Horatio Nelson’ Hat !!

Soon Nursey_TinkleTitters and Nursey Janey_Bigbouncyballoons came out and assisted the inmates to their rooms.

Nursey_Tinkletitters wheeled Behaving_Likeapyscho to his padded cell, re-hosed him down and chained him back to the wall.

Somewhere on the M1, wagner soon to be ‘Lord Charles’ and SuboQ were in their Robin Reliant, Wagner boring the the mammaries off SuboQ by repeating all his funniest quips.

Somewhere in Newcastle an old caravanette was getting its shock absorbers tested to the max, rocking and squeaking, with 15 minute breaks every 2 minutes.

In a gutter nearby Alkiarse had passed out, having consumed some white spirits and was having a damp dream about Wordsworth50odd.

Proffesor LD locked the heavy doors of ‘The Pyschochatville Hostpital for the Insane ‘then ,

turned, smiled at the readers…. and winked :wink: