the shoplifting advice thread

[jolly roger]

well fore i start id like to dedicate this thread to  tracy (remember the bolton  days luv)

so what we got and where do we go to get our  ill spotten gains

 

bit bleak innit slim pickings with all the shops shut

 

HOWEVER

this intrepid researcher will never give up so lets take you round a tour of shops that are still open

marks and spencers

i was delighted to see this old established store is still open but alas no changing rooms gone are the days when you could take 2 items to try on keep one take the other one back and say to the shop girl”sorry they dont fit me luv”

home bargains

im not sure who employs  the clowns who work there they all seem to bumble about in a daze like theyve been  tripping all night

no problem  nicking my fave tipple which is amaretto btw

shoe shops

yeh the auld trusted technique where they only put one shoe on  display

problem ?

no way jose

simply take it go back next day and say

me “they dont fit me luv can i change em”

her” change what”?

me “this shoe ”

her “er wheres the other one”

me” oh god i was that annoyed that they didnt fit i threw  one at a passing car but i  kept one as proof of purchase

HER” well why didnt you try them on first you dickhead”

me “yeh like ive got time to try on shoes ive got threads to write”

her “oh just take them fck off you irritating waste of space”

me “cheers luv ”

supermarkets

its always been a burning ambition of mine

just go in fill your trolley till its bursting at the seams dont pick rubbish sirloin steaks champagne etc

securitys that lax these days just simply walk out the door with it put em in your car and off you pop

oh theres loads more but its not all about me

any of youse lot got any experiences about shoplifting (not you tracy sit down)

love to hear from you xx

1 member liked this post.

budha

[budha]

i am in tears laughing here jols…keep em coming x

[jolly roger]

lol i will try but im not really funny im deadly serious

1 member liked this post.

budha

[budha]

since 1966 i have always kept my receipts for everything…..jd sports are on first name terms with me now😁 well you get 7 weeks max like before they hum n har about the manufacturers fault of where the loose stitching comes away from your lacoste tracksuit or your nike air max🥳 just so you can keep exchanging them for the latest up to date ones😋🥕 so you look rich…smart..and always in the latest gear….for free………👍just kidding   good story though wannit

One modify whey heyyyy

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  budha.

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jolly roger

[jolly roger]

i  have to keep it   down in here low tones man

why?

i tell you why cos ive got the witches  of eastwick on my back

all three of them  bubbling  round a cauldron wassapping marty

oh  just ban  him martin purleaze love you  loads  xxx pfft

 

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budha

[jolly roger]

well if i get sacked off no biggy is it plenty more sites to bend  ppl minds  upif i did

never been on ,,yet

what are these dating sites like any good?

god if i went on one  no i wont but im a trained hypnotist id have em mooing like a cow “yeh come  round to mine luv i sort you out after match of the days finished

typical bloke me or am i hmmm

 

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budha

[budha]

it’s a goallllllllllll

 

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jolly roger

[jolly roger]

the linesman not sure tho

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budha

[Ge]

My brother worked in Iceland in a small town in Wiltshire many moons ago. Every year the shop would be plagued by a shoplifting hippy invasion for the summer solstice at nearby Stonedhenge. My brother once caught a hippy with four turkeys stuffed down his tracksuit-clad legs. The hippy denied all knowledge of said turkeys and was still loudly protesting his innocence as 2 burly constables led him away.

 

 

*Looks suspiciously at Budha*

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jolly roger, roguefemaleradish, budha

[budha]

you know fine well the two constables were jols n dagsy dressed up so we could scarper with the one legged turkeys😁…But….how did you think we made the 50 Organic turkey salad rolls we sold on the car boot sale the next morning for £8 each😋🥕….you know how it is👍 then by 8.50am we had sold out like👍…..we needed the £400 to buy 3 tickets for glastonbury🥳….a nice few🍷🍷🍷🤪 and a few quarter pounders….oh and some fuel for out tent….ooops i  mean our 1966 citroen campervan with the sports alloys😁

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jolly roger

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