The real 50 shades of grey…

The missus bought a paperback
down Mumbles Saturday,
I had a look in her bag,
T’was `fifty shades of grey’.

Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared.
The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope,
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago,
I might have had a peek.
But Doris hasn’t weathered well,
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind,
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things went from bad to worse,
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later,
She put her teeth back in and
Said. I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Doris,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like,
Bent forward just a bit.
I thought what the hell,
Stepped forward,
and stood on her left tit!

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My god what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
Step on the other one.

Well readers, I can’t tell no more,
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned `fifty shades of grey’

– John Summers