The NATIVITY PLAY – LAST NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN

In the Real World of JC, Miss Rose looked at her watch. “Only another few minutes to go and this naffing Nativity play would be over”, she threw another Cosmopolitan down her neck.

Alkiarse was still up in the rafters, he had now been there for 4 days and still showed no sign of his leaf blower running out of petrol. Annetteknittingthecurtain had jumped off Alkiarse to man the stage curtain. By the time ThinNoDiceNoIce and his turkey, had plodded into Bethlehem, the curtain had landed on his head 27 times.

ThinNoDiceNoIce knocked on the door of the Inn. Slowly the cardboard cut out door, which used to be MinnieClaireMouse’s boyfriend, opened. Yvonne dressed as the Innkeeper appeared with Zadok’s muse at the door. “What do you bliddy want?”

ThinNoDiceNoIce cleared his throat……. and coughed several times….. “Right me and the Mrs here, want a room cos it’s gonna ave a baby, ain’t any baby mind, tis him with the beard’s baby.” ThinNoDiceNoIce smiled, and carried on smiling and kept on smiling.

Yvonne lifted her beard out of the way and looked at the wife and the wife looked at Yvonne. Zadok being a kind hearted wife thought they might be able to squeeze them in. Yvonne, not being kind at all said “No chance” and pointed to Woodie, who had managed to stick a beach ball up his turkey outfit. “You done some right daft things in your time Thin but what you wanna go and marry a turkey for?”

ThinNoDiceNoIce clapped his hands over woodie’s ears. “Sssssssshhhhhhh he don’t know we is married yet, got a message from that big bird up there”, he pointed to Phoenix the only bird with wings who was swinging above the stable with a tennis racquet in her hand, which she used every few minutes, to swat Alkiarse out of the way.

ThinNoDiceNoIce, keeping his hands over Woodie’s ears, went on to explain. “Got dumped though, bearded git had his wicked way with poor old mushdy here and then left me to sort it out.” ThinNoDiceNoIce took his hands away from Woodie’s ears and pointed to his belly. “And now he’s gotta get it out, cos it’s Christmas and you can only give birth to the son of God on Christmas day.” He looked at his mate Woodie. “Ain’t that right?” he shouted at Woodie, “You gotta give birth now?” Woodie gobbled and shook his head in agreement. “Right get in there then Mushdy,” Thin pushed his turkey forwards. “I’ll have a pint while you give birth.”

Yvonne stepped forward and blocked their way. “Well you ain’t coming in here, we’re full, we’ve got tinks and her dress back there.” Zadok sniggered as MinnieClaireWales, started to snog the door. “And” Yvonne pointed to MinnieClaire, “We got her and her daft mate, her who flogs pizzas, drinking the bliddy bar dry. You think we ain’t got enough to deal with, anyway why did you end up with the turkey, thought even you, could have done better than a turkey?”

Woodie clasped his belly and started to make groaning noises, just as Ave Dude who was Woodie’s replacement for the Wise man trotted past on his hobby horse, closely followed by HGV1 and FatishNeil, who had broken his hobby horse and had nicked a broomstick from the witches. Ave Dude came to a screeching halt. “Cor who’s got pizza?”

FatishNeil, having flattened HGV1, when they came to an abrupt halt, heard pizza and manhandled Yvonne out of the way, Ave Dude and ThinNoDiceNoIce, spotted an opening and gate crashed the bar, leaving the Turkey groaning and looking pleadingly at HGV1.

Twenty seven hours later, Woodie was fully dilated and able to push. The Real World of JC, were all there shouting “PUSH”, “PUSH.”

WhataJoke, who had been watching all of this from behind his bush, was losing the will to live. “FFS PUSH YOU FUDGING TURKEY.”

Finally, from in between Woodie’s little feathered legs, a bald head appeared, and everyone gasped. MAX had finally made his debut. The Real World of JC, cheered and clapped, Nonwelshfem, who had been acting as midwife, wrapped MAX in a blanket just as he asked “What’s a virgina?”

NoWelshFem said “Place in America.” Quick as a flash, Jadey stuck a dummy in his mouth and MAX was handed to his proud mother, Woodie dressed as a turkey. Scarlett quickly ran onto stage and took a picture with her Nikon.

ThinNoDiceNoIce, the proud father stepped onto the stage, just as Annetteknittingthecurtain, yanked the cord for the very last time, and the curtain crashed down on his head. “Now that is the last time I will do that, and I have nothing more to say on the subject and it doesn’t matter what you say Thin, I am not saying anymore.”

:D :twisted: :twisted: THE FLIPPING END