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:lol: sorry sir….. :lol:
Im really a renowned scientist, but Ive just got to discover what it is Im renowned for
some basic lessons for you then. Now pay attention Sharon, stop fidgeting, and get back to me when you have reached the standard hereby shown by some of my other pupils……….
– Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and canonised by Bernard Shaw.
– Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
– In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer. He wrote poems and verses and also rote literature.
– William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.
– Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen”. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah”.
– It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Guttenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Ralegh invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with his 100 foot clipper.
– The greatest writer was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1964, supposedly on his birthday. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
– Miguel Cervantes was writing at the same time. He wrote a book called Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
– Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
– Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all of this.
– One of the causes of the Revoltionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, stood against Benjamin Franklin who was a singer of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and then he declared, ” A horse divided against itself cannot stand.”
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.Toy sorry sir but any chance there is any way you could cut that down to maybe two sentainces :D fank you muchly 8)
see my siggy…
thats me now after reading that that is :shock:
/goes off muttering about joan of carta and noahs arc….
Bottom of the class both of you !
here’s more of the answers I was looking for………– The constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under this people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
– Abraham Lincoln was America’s greatest Precedent. His mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. He freed the slaves by singing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, he went to the theatre and got shot by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
– Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
– Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
– Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had many children. In between he practised on an old spinster which he kept in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
– Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
– The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t have any children.
– The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire’s in the East and the sun sets in the West.
– Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
– The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
– Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturist who wrote Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio, and Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
– The First World War was caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an analyst. It ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
: o )
I knew all of that. But this is new to me:
Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
thanks!
Im gonna show that one off tomorrow…
the Itailan was half german and half large and very English. He was a strong handle.[/quote]
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