THE GOBFARTER II

The Gobfarter II

Rose’the don’ pedalbin changed her wet drawers and downed a swift gin,.. she was rattled.

She removed Mooseys strap-on antlers from her bed and hung them on the wall, musing who could be behind the obvious threat.
She wandered around her home looking for clues…by the window she spotted something on the floor which must have been dropped by the intruder….
” a haaaa ….A torn Old Trafford ticket stub and a packet of blue pills…. theres only one hitman that needs blue pills, its gotta be Very Impotant peanut !!”

She called 2 of her guys , Angelbustlikebuckets and Jade the Blade, to have him picked up and brought to her.

” we’ll see who’s payin him, that sleezeball ……”

Joke’Gums’Pastit shuffled around the lounge of ‘The JC Bar room and Grill’, alternately flashing his gummy smile at the ladies, mentioning his ‘meat’ as often as he could in what he thought was an amusing way and whispering innuendoes in peoples ears, none of which actually made any sense at all.

He looked around the room and spotted Wordsworth50odd sat at a table and enjoying a shot.

Gums spat the end of his cuban cigar out where it lodged in Orange The Gobs tangerine wig. He hated words almost as much as he hated Thin’ the bulge ‘,
infact he hated anyone smarter, more articulate, or more popular than him…. which left…. no one.

” So words you fake, play in 15 bands eh …. well how come you arent on my last copy of Now Thats What I Call Jazz 137 ?
You aint in no band you schmuck, you just sit here eyeing up the Molls, Ya damn shirtlifter “

Orange looked confused…” erm gums, that dont make sense…” Gums screwed up his spongey old grey face up and changed the subject..

”get his mobile number orange, I wanna add it to my collection ( that i dont have and never give out and even if i did, which i dont, id do it in my own name and not turn up just after it had happened as i always do ) and anyway..whats goin down with the pics ?”

orange grinned so hard her trowled on Max Factor cracked ” oh sure boss … ive heard a whisper about the other ‘lady’ in the pics, word on the street is its ******g !!!”

Gums spluttered and coughed rancid breath at Orange who swiftly went green !!!

Jade The Blade and Angelbustlikebuckets dragged Very Impotant Peanut out the black caddi

and into Rose ‘The Don’ Pedalbins basement.

They sat him, hands tied, on a lone wooden chair, noticing the spreading wet patch around his crotch and stood back.

The Don, walked foward slowly, looking menacing in her candlewick dressing gown and snoopy slippers,,,,

” ok Impo… its time to wake-up and smell the beans.. and spill the cawwwfeee too ….. Wheres The Moose and who paid you to plant her strap-ons in my bed ?? you better come clean or ya gonna be talkin’ to the fishies wearing a concrete housecoat….”

” it was blonde ‘fingers’ trombone and clare’vinnie’ downer,” coughed up Impo straight away.. ” They promised me they would take me for tea and buns if i did it !! ”

”You Pusssy Impo… everyone knows Vinnie dont do Tea !!! Boys take him to my spare bedroom , i’ll deal with him later”

Jade The blade and Angelbustlikebuckets dragged a now grinning Impo out the basement… and The Don heard him shouting

” awww gawdammit… wheres me pills ?? ”

In his Penthouse suite at Chatcargo Towers Thick’ the Bulge’ slice and relaxed on black satin sheets.

” I really enjoyed that Bulgie…. ty very much < smiles > ”

The Bulge rolled his eyes, but managed a smile ” anytime babe… I just gotta make a phone call, make yourself at home”

Going into the bathroom The Bulge pulled out his mobile and dialed a number, ” make sure gums is outside The Towers in 2 hours.. he’s in for a surprise…”

The Bulge adjusted the cannelloni down his pants and returned to the suite…

swapped over the Disney DVD and got some more popcorn, ” just one more then I must go … I hope you like this one Bulgey its my fave …. PokaHuntress ”

”mine too babe, mine too, given half a chance” he muttered.

2 hours later Orange The Gob was driving Gums home and detoured past Chatcargo Towers as instructed. Gums,who was sat in the back plucking vast quantities of nostril hair out with his fingers, glanced out the window to see The Bulge escorting out the building and into a waiting Taxi.

” Festering Fettuncine !! ” he roared in rage ” That Bulging Bricklayer has beat me to it again !!!!

I’ll have to put my hand in my pocket and pay a young Tom….. AGAIN ”!!!

…..