SUPERGROUPS

I have had a brilliant idea to raise money for the NHS so that they don’t have to sack any lovely nurses. It’s miserable enough having to lie on a trolley in a corridor for 17 hours without the thought of having no sexy nurses to look at as they scurry by on their way to the laboratory with their specimen bottles. It makes me ill just at the thought of that happening. I am going to form a SUPERGROUP with famous ‘Rock Stars’ and ‘Pop Singers’ and make them play a number of shows, or ‘gigs’, around the country. All the rich people in the country would be ordered to go and watch them and they would be forced, at gunpoint if necessary, to pay up to TEN POUNDS entrance fee. I reckon, with a THOUSAND people attending each concert, they would only have to play 50,000 shows to wipe out the NHS deficit in its entirety and, with matinee performances, they could probably do this in a little over ten years.

I have given VERY CAREFUL THOUGHT as to who might be in my Supergroup and I have come up with probably the ideal line up. The drummer would be Jez Strode from Kajagoogoo. I think most people recall with fondness the superb drum solo on ‘Too Shy’. Jez is a superb musician (he also specialises in electronic percussion of course) and would be the cornerstone of my band, playing in front of the lead singer like Phil Collins used to do. You never saw the singer when Phil Collins played drums and Genesis sold literally thousands of records in the 70’s and 80’s. They were on Top of the Pops once, you know.

Since looks would be immaterial for the Lead Singer, I have chosen Michael Stipe. Mmmm mmm mmm mmm he’s lovely really and he could come up front every hour or so and tell one of his funny stories about everyone dying and being miserable all the time.

For Lead Guitar I would have Rick Parfitt from Status Quo as he is probably one of the best guitarists in the world if you don’t include the bearded chap from ZZ Top and the guy from Bananarama who played on ‘Venus’.

For Bass Guitar I have chosen Sir Paul McCartney as he will want to keep busy during his awful divorce proceedings and it will give him the chance to meet some new people and maybe his next wife! Fingers crossed for Sir Paul everyone!

I would have the Three Degrees as backing singers as, although they are dreadful nowadays, it would mean that Prince Charles and the lovely Camilla would come along to all the ‘gigs’ to see them and hang around with the band. This would mean we would get on telly and be famous. Obviously, for the Barking ‘gig’ I would have to supply three non-black singers and I would tell Kate Bush, Madonna and the big fatty that won X-Factor to turn up for that one. If she is dead I would get Alison Moyet instead.

I haven’t planned anyone for keyboards as I see this as being a traditional fourpiece guitar group but, if I decided to make them play any songs with piano bits in them, I would probably ask Mrs Mablethorpe from the church to pop along as she is free most days and I know she likes to rub herself up against famous people’s shoulders.

I haven’t thought of a name for my SUPERGROUP yet. I was thinking maybe something that would appeal to the younger generation without discouraging the older people from turning up. Something catchy like WHAM! or VIAGRA! Obviously there’s no point using WHAM! because someone else has already thought of that, but something along those lines. An exclamation mark would be essential, I feel.

If anyone else has any suggestions for a suitable name for my Supergroup, or for that matter any other line-ups you think would attract people to come and watch please do feel free to post your ideas here. It’s all for a good cause… SAVE OUR SEXY NURSES!