"Stalking the Moors in a Dirty Mac "chapter 4

Chapter 4

UpThe_a(x)ante awoke in the cow shed and relished the hazy memories of his dream ….

White dimpled fleshy thighs… undulating rolls of excess flab …mmm…heaven.

He stroked his ‘Precious’ then went and hid it in a box containing old, battered and stained

keyboards, wiring, coathangers and strangly lots of old copies of ” Muscle Monthly”,

then he made his way to the hovel, he could hear Jokecliff singing an old Dana song…

” all kinds of everything remind me of youuuu….. “

UpThe_A(x)ante took in Jokecliffs outfit, lime green leggings and a ” The Hoff” T shirt,

but he could not take his eyes off Jokes ‘package’.

Jokecliff noticed zante staring and glanced down … ” Arrrrr…. thats where i put it !! “

With that Joke stuffed his hand down inside his leggings and brought out a

a week old ‘Morrissons jumbo sausgage Roll’. ” Breakfast… Wanna bite ? ” Zante declined.

” We really must get you into some decent threads old chum” Jokecliff said,

” Cant have you crawling around in that loincloth, youll scare Mummy half to death !!”

With that Joke turned and started rummaging in an old trunk, eventually he tossed zante

a pair of tiny, hot pink shorts and a tank top with a smiley face on, ” perfect !”

” Right after youve fed Mummy her campbells meatballs, we’ll take a look at what the inmates are doing.

UpThe_A(x)ante gingerly approached Mummy in the rocking chair, how he hated ‘thin’ women.

He stuffed the meatballs ( still in the tin ) in he gaping mouthlike hole and legged it.

” right” said Jokecliff, “lets log in, but first youll have to squeeze this massive spot on my arse ! “

” things are looking up” thought zante.

Jokecliff dropped his leggings and turned around. Zante did wonder why Joke had a ‘W’ tattooed on each spotty buttock

Jokecliff touched his toes.

“W O W ” said zante, and dived in.

Jokecliff enetered the lobby, but no one really noticed, which really pished him off to start with …..

He observed the room, quite a few of the regs where there and it was quite lively !!

‘QueenB_of_Orange was sat on her throne, looking like she’d been tango’d and laughing loudly everytime she said ‘Sheepshyte’

‘Claire_dont_Dare_Me’ was shouting alternately ” I wont bite ” ” take me on ” and ” My b/f just txt me,,

He’s in Vietnam, teaching squash in the paddy fields, he’ll be back in half an hour ! lolol “

‘Thick_Slice had his Lurpak at the ready, to butter up anyones knickers who took his fancy, ‘Booby_lou’ and ‘Looby_fake’
were his only options at the moment, pity they werent married, more of a challenge

‘Mewwymoron’ was rolling around in the corner like a masshive Weeble, farting and drinking his 14th pint of slimming cabbage soup.

‘Wagner’ and ‘ suboQ’ were doing a Little & Large double act, ‘lol’ing’ and ‘head shaking’ on fast foward.

‘Bornfree_2_poo’ had taken so many dumps she was exhausted.

‘Wordsworth50_odd’ was relaxing in his Parker Knoll, looking quite dapper in his Paisley smoking jacket and cravat,

fiddling with his waxed mustache, sipping Earl Grey and hoping for a naughty pm .

‘Nice_pie_fem’ was picking tics off ‘ugly_asa_moose’s enormous hairy backside and singing…

” Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair ” at full volume.

‘SoonMadcow’ had comsumed extra vino on her cornflakes and had forgotton who she liked and who she did’nt like,

so just insulted everyone randomly !!

And ‘Alkiarse’ was in Full Jeckyll & Hyde mode … switching between giving cooking and gardening tips,

to shouting ‘Tw@t’at people for no obvious reason …

Yess…. it was pretty much a normal day in the ‘lobby’….

Jokecliff turned and yelled for zante to bring him some pickled eggs…

He continued to monitor the room.

” Thick_Slice is quiet, he must have his butter knife out in pm grrrrrrr “

Just then the room went dead.

Nobody typed.

‘Coathanger’ had entered the lobby !!

Jokecliff choked on a 3 yr out of date pickled egg and pooped in his crusties. UpThe_ante passed out !!

Would Coathanger reveal him/her/its self ???

Find out soon…….