Some discordian Quotes

Atheists are people who have no invisible means of support

Time is a plaything for children and fools.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

I didn’t claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables!

I’ve always maintained that one should never tangle with anything that has more teeth than the Osmond family.

All men have the right to dig their own graves, and I have the right to sell them the shovels.

When the naive man admits his naivete, he is no longer naive. Thus, all people are regarded by society as either ignorant or a liar.

Life is the stuff that happens to you while you’re making other plans.

Fight crime. Shoot back.

I used to be self-actualized, now I’m just confused.

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist is afraid that it is.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.

A little madness now and then is relished by the wisest men.

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.

Death is just the ultimate expression of radical solipsism.

To be happy living in this world, there are sides of the soul one must entirely paralyze.

Deceive boys with toys, but men with oaths.

You’re twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core… I like that in a person.

Sarcasm helps you avoid telling people what you really think of them.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

Sarcasm is a sign of genius.

What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.

It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.

The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.

Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.

To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is difficult.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

Never appeal to a man’s “better nature”. He may not have one.

Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

The reason people get lost in thought is because it is, to many, rather unfamiliar territory.

Better to have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

Don’t worry. Baldrick has a cunning plan.

As long as the music’s loud enough, we won’t hear the world falling apart.

Live in privacy; die in public.