REVIEW OF THE (WORLD CUP) WEEK

ROBOKOP

All Hail the new lanky hero Peter Crouch (6’ 7”)! If it wasn’t for him, England would be on the first plane home after the forthcoming loss to Sweden. Peter was a late addition to the new-look ‘entertaining’ England team of course – it was only after he grew too tall for the England robotic dancing team last year that he first turned his attention to football and, since joining Liverpool, his rise has been meteoric: to the extent that he now carries the burden of being his nation’s only hope for World Cup success. What a rags to riches story! If only England had retained the fabulous Route One philosophy of Graham Taylor (5’ 9”) instead of employing the ridiculously defensive Sven Goran Vodaphone (5’ 11”), the team could be achieving the same level of international success as Watford enjoy nationally. Just as well no other nation in the last 20 years has found a solution to Route One Football otherwise the limitations of the team could be cruelly exposed. C’Mon ENGLAND!!!

SPIRIT OF ‘66?

It would be all too easy, in light of England’s unexpected and overdue World Cup success, to forget about the troubles back home. Sport and Entertainment have as much a role to play as Tony Blair (5’ 9”) and Gordon Brown (6’ 1”) in bringing the feel-good factor back to these shores. Thank goodness then that the British entertainment industry carries on apace. Ron Wood (5’ 8”) of the Rolling Stones insists that, despite having to check into rehab every hour on the hour, the Stones tour will go ahead as planned. The Who are set to launch their European tour by recreating their most famous gig ‘Live at Leeds (university)’. It is pleasing to see that the two remaining ‘non-dead’ Who members are prepared to give millions of people the chance to spend £150 of their disposable income on the ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity to witness British pop music at it’s very best. It is commendable that Pete Townsend (6’1”), a convicted paedophile, and Roger Daltrey (5’7”), disabled through deafness, are prepared to put the fact that they can no longer bear to be in the same country as each other behind them for the benefit of the World Cup campaign. If only the England football team could follow the example of the Stones and The Who and believe they still have the ability to recreate the heady days of ‘66. Sadly, most of the original England line-up no longer play live but the new members can still occasionally roll back the years, if only for fleeting moments. It’s not the same tho, is it?

2 WORLD WARS AND 1 WORLD CUP…

Whilst Peter Crouch’s (6’ 7”) bid for entry into the Guinness Book of Records as World’s Tallest Footballer appear to have been cruelly dashed (due to the disgraceful fact he isn’t even the tallest footballer in this year’s World Cup in Germany), it appears that Wayne Rooney (5’ 8”) may have broken the record for the fastest ever healing of a broken metatarsal bone. Whilst it would be churlish to deprive Wayne of his acclaim (the feat was witnessed and recognised by the Guinness Book of Records (2007) after all), it should be noted that the metatarsal bone has only recently been invented and is still not able to be recognised by 98.3% of GPs. People of Britain may get a day off ‘sick’ to give blood for Africans but there is some way to go before employers start accepting staff asking to be excused for a metatarsal injury! Still, if it is one way of showing that we Brits are superior to the nasty Krauts then why not – hands up who can tell me the fastest ever metatarsal recover period by a German? Exactly!
:)