REVIEW OF THE (BB) WEEK by special guest Pete

FUC K ME

Fuc k me eh? Who would’ve thought it? (chirp). Wow I won Big Fuc king Bruvver! (tweet). I feel like going and banging on me bongo drums proper like. That Divana’s got great TITS, phwooooaar! (tweet). Course I knew I was gonna win cos all the rest are W ANKERS and my best mate in Heaven told me that I would like reach God if I won BB. W ANKER! (chirp) Cool innit? I wouldn’t have won it without my little kitty fuc king kitty kat, Nikki like. She was fuc king cool ,you know? And GREAT TITS. I was like made up proper when she came back into the house but my angel mate from Heaven told me that would happen by knocking out a message on my bongo drums that was like morse code for “Nikki is going to be voted back into the house in a huge BB conspiracy”. (tweet) I had to keep it a secret right cos otherwise the kids wouldn’t have spent all that money to vote her out then phone up again to vote her back in then phone to vote her out again at the end. A quid a pop, right, and phone as often as you like, don’t bother asking your mums. W ANKERS! Still, I bet everyone thinks it was money well spent now that a guy wiv Tourettes has won Big Fuc king Bruvver. (chirp) I bet everyone will treat people wiv Tourettes as normal now instead of laughing behind their backs all the time. If it leads to a more tolerant society then it’s been mums money well spent innit?

FUC K HER

Still never got a shag tho! (chirp). I’m gonna give that Nikki a right fuc king seeing to after the party later. That’s what the COUNT-RY wants to see innit? Well if they want that boIIocks they’ll have to fork out for O fuc king K magazine next week. (tweet) I’m gonna get like a million quid for jumping up and down on her fun bags in a posh hotel. Phoooaaaaaaaaaarrrr. My mate in Heaven never predicted THAT! W ANKER!

FUC K THEM

I see those jewish cun ts have started their shyt again. W ANKERS!