Pats: Misguided Nazi or Terrifying Freak; Fashion and me.

One thing which is frequently commented upon by Just Chat members, social services and the courts, is Pats appearance and fashion sense.
Hailing from a Lancashire pit-village, Pats never really had much exposure to “fashion”, growing-up as an unwanted, fairground grotesque in the 40’s. With Nazi Doodle-Bugs whizzzing over her roof-top, and American G.I.’s selling knock-off stockings, Pats later fell into the trap of wearing Luftwaffe peaked caps, Donkey Jackets and suspenders during her teens, as she posed around the her little town of Fog-over-Cack in Cumbria. Obviously, coming from a place where the locals were only two genes away from fleas, Pats “Haute Couture” was grossly misinterpreted. Although she couldn’t find acceptance in her own community who largely thought she was a sex pervert auditioning for James Bond, World of Sport, ITV’s Saturday afternoon show, did offer her a contract as a wrestler, with the villainous title of, “Little Miss Meschersmitt” although, after protests from various synagogues and The Royal British Legion, the contract was quickly withdrawn.
One thing Pats did share with those brave Saturday afternoon wrestlers though, was a face that looked as though it had gone through a carwash and then been hit by a Porsche speeding through the other side; definitely not a pretty sight! Her deformities have led to all sorts of problems which I’ve alluded to in other posts. Yet one of the major disappointments in her life came when she lost the contract to be the new face of Louis Vuitton to Kate Moss; Pats being advised that she had a face that looked more like Joe Louis, the Heavyweight boxing champion!
Because of these appalling setbacks, we are launching a bid to stage a fund-raising, poetry reading night on behalf of Pats in her local pub on Halloween. So come down with your odes and lets see if we can all turn a ghoulie into a gladdie just for one special night called “Pats: A Mong not a Monster!”