-
Posts
-
Never Argue with a Woman
=================
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides
to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to
take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads
her
book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and
says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)
“You’re in
a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.
“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at
any
moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the
woman.
“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.
“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start
at any moment.”
“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also
think
A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says she’s going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The Manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The Manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the
bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?”The blonde replies…
“Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
Hooray! A smart blonde joke at last!!
ACTUAL LETTER TO PROCTOR & GAMBLE ~
Attention: James Thatcher,
Brand Manager, Proctor & Gamble Feminine Hygiene DivisionDear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight,
white shorts.But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through me. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager of Proctor & Gamble’s Feminine Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers’ monthly visits from “Aunt Flo”. Therefore, you must be well aware of the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week,my friend Jennifer fought the violent
urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants … Which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:“Have a Happy Period.”
Are you f**king kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness ~ actual smiling, laughing, happiness ~ is possible during a
menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak-girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s
actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” or “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”, or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, as I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bulls*&t. And that’s a promise I will keep ….Always.Best Regards,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, Texas.
now where does AW reside,,,,,,??? lol that u AW lolLMFAO Mary!!!! The funniest thing is that each one is true… although the last is the most honest thing ive read in ages! Cheers hun, i well n truly laughed @ these!
Best way to argue with a woman is say nothing for half and hour, then out of the blue say ” yes darlin your right, i totally understand. I am in the wrong. So when do we have make up sex”
It really pishes them off and they go off on another one :lol: :lol:
@oss wrote:
Best way to argue with a woman is say nothing for half and hour, then out of the blue say ” yes darlin your right, i totally undrstand. I am in he wrong. So when do we have make up sex”
It really pishes them off and they go off on another one :lol: :lol:
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Get involved in this discussion! Log in or register now to have your say!