made me chuckle

>Why, Why, Why Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
>batteries are getting weak?
>
>Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is
>not enough?
>
>Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but
>check when you say the paint is wet?
>
>Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
>
>Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
>Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
>
>Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
>revolver at him?
>
>Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
>Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
>
>If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
>
>Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
>always white?
>
>Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
>
>Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
>something new to eat will have materialized?
>
>Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
>cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give

>the vacuum one more chance?
>
>Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
>
>How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
>
>When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping
>cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well,
>it
>isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”
>
>Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off
>the table you always manage to knock something else over?
>
>In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when

>we complained about the heat?
>
>How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
>
>And my FAVORITE…… The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
>four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your
>three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

---

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!

“You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me, the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving this house, I want a divorce!”

The husband, replies “Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened”

“Hmm, I don’t know, well, it’ll be the last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig, you!”

The husband begins to tell his story . . . “While driving home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days.

With great compassion I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll gain weight; the poor little thing practically devoured them.”

“Since she was very dirty I asked if she wanted to take a shower. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.”

“I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.”

The husband continues his story . . . . .

“The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me: “Sir, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”