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Love isn’t just a four letter word.
It a feeling from deep within.
Where in my heart things are heard,
like singing, laughing and playin.
It flutters when it thinks you’re near,
and races cause your hot!
Sometimes it can shed a tear,
if it thinks you have forgot.
So if you ever think of me,
if even for a bit,
remember that I love thee
and my heart will never forget.
Love to all : Sassey
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LOVE is like a flower as we watch it grow.. As each day comes we watch it more grow… as each day it blooms more we know…
But keeping it’s beauty not easy as we all know..it’s the work of each gardner who can make it so.
So keep that beauty that brings blooms a glow..and cherish those moments as time is precious and never lost so I am told.
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What a nice poem. It is always a wonderful thing when people put into words their feelings and thoughts. Creativity can often flow leading us into a greater understanding into who and what we are.
I hope you do not mind if I add some comments to it? A tiny bit of critique? Poetry although totally objective still needs to make some sense and have some reality in order for the reader to believe in it and go with the whole concept.
‘Love isn’t just a four letter word’.
‘It a feeling from deep within’.
no love is a four letter word, its just a description of a feeling
‘Where in my heart things are heard,’
‘like singing, laughing and playin’.
no your heart cant actually hear anything, only your ears can and that is due to your brain
‘It flutters when it thinks you’re near,
and races cause your hot!’
excellent choice of words descriptive and accurate and the reader can totally relate to this due to palpitations sweating etc
‘Sometimes it can shed a tear,
if it thinks you have forgot.’
No your heart cannot cry, if it did you would bleed out and die
it cant remember either, it can only ‘remember’ to pump blood
‘So if you ever think of me,
if even for a bit,
lovely two lines and showing how vulnerable you are literally describing how that you consider whether they think of you or not and would accept any slight thought of you to mean something
remember that I love thee
and my heart will never forget.’
I see the use of ‘thee’ to rhyme with me
If you want to use thee in old shakespeare speak you should represent it elsewhere too. Maybe throw in an oath etc just something to flow better.
if your poem is as clear precise and modern as the general flow of it, the thee is very out of place.
I could re-write your poem so it makes better sense but I think for a first attempt you have done really well and should be very proud.
Not everyone can write.
Well done you.
My advice is to make sure that everything makes sense and you use a bit more descriptive language for example you wrote:
‘Love isn’t just a four letter word’.
‘It a feeling from deep within’.
Where in my heart things are heard,’
‘like singing, laughing and playin’.
Maybe a consider would have been to have written this?
Love is not just a four letter word
Describing this feeling I have from deep within
The words cannot define the singing laughing and playing
My passionate heart cannot hear what they are saying
so you are explaining that your heart cannot actually ‘hear’ as it cannot.
I hope I have helped and given some productive critisism.
Anyone who tries to write poetry is amazing.
Well done.
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Some people are born musically talented, some are born to create artistic masterpieces and some people are born writers.
I am sure that you will find where you slot in sassey x
Some of the people in this world are just created purely for decoration.
I am sure that is not the case for you.
I do not know you very well, maybe you are a whizz with playdoh
I am sure its something really good like that.
I am so impressed with your attempts at writing, your strengths obviously lie with other things. Maybe its in with other things you have learnt to do with your hands x
self expression is wonderful.
I will be happy to analyse your next poetry effort. I hope you have taken into consideration my pointers x
From your pic you have really nice hair plus you love everyone. I bet you can make a really good heart out of playdoh.
Keep writing x I have really enjoyed analysing your effort x
I am no expect in fact I know nothing about poetry at all.
I just make sense.
Next literal masterpiece please!!!!!!!
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LOVE is like a flower as we watch it grow.. As each day comes we watch it more grow… as each day it blooms more we know…
But keeping it’s beauty not easy as we all know..it’s the work of each gardner who can make it so.
So keep that beauty that brings blooms a glow..and cherish those moments as time is precious and never lost so I am told.
LOVE is like a flower as we watch it grow.. As each day comes we watch it more grow… as each day it blooms more we know…
repetition of the word ‘grow’ and if you sat and watched a flower grow it would take forever. do you actually watch it grow? Over time you ‘watch it grow’ so state that as its the truth. We don’t watch it grow, unless we really have nothing else to do. so you sit there every day ‘each day’ and watch it? I don’t believe you do and no one else does either. A poem is not just words you need to be credible and believable too, imagine your poem is like a short story.
each day blooms more we know
ok what do we know? we know it will grow or bloom? no we don’t, often they do not grow or bloom you are assuming, study your topic and the objective of your writing before you make such assumptions.
great sentence but what do we know? you lead the reader into something, into what? where are we readers going?
But keeping it’s beauty not easy as we all know it’s the work of each gardener who can make it so.
yes ok what do we all ‘know’ what do we all know? we are waiting here wondering what we are knowing?
oh its the work of each gardener?
so I just read your two sentences and now I have to ask a gardener what you are talking about? its a poem isn’t it? how would he know?
So keep that beauty that brings blooms a glow..and cherish those moments as time is precious and never lost so I am told.
oh ok how do we ‘keep that beauty’? you’ve not even said what the beauty is no description and you’ve asked us to contact a gardener and now you’re saying we are to keep it? keep what? that blooms a glow? flowers do not glow?
are you painting them with illumines paint?
and cherish those moments as time is precious and never lost so I am told.
cherish what moments exactly? as a reader I am not sure. Are you cherishing the flowers that have grown? that you sat and watched for ages covered in bright yellow paint so they are ‘glowing’ time is ‘precious’ well you’ve sat there for donkeys how ‘precious’ is your time really?
‘so I am told’ – who told you that? someone who has asked you why you are sitting there watching a flower grow?
lmfao
Yeah
I have loved your effort but x
you need to make some sense and look at every word you write and every line to see if it not only flows but makes the reader engage and believe in it.
good first effort love x
rewtite
love is like a flower, we long for it to grow
we cherish when it flourishes, we hope it blooms although
as each day comes we long for it to thrivewe long to see that it is still alive
so we hope to keep that beauty a glowwe tender it to try to make it so
we watch and hope our love is not lost
and not killed dead by life’s weathering frostA good poem makes sense.
Let your creativity take you places but always make sure that you words make sense.
Select a topic, its often easier to write when another person gives you a title.
And remember that feelings emotions and descriptions are different things.
Explain an emotion. Don’t assume the reader will know what you are talking about.
Describe what you are saying,
Imagine that everyone apart from you is very stupid and will never understand you.
Don’t just write, write in order for the stupid shallow and ignorant so they cant even half get you.
And make it credible.
for example
‘The silent whispers wake me with their incoherent babbling telling me things I don’t wish to hear’
the whispers are silent, how could I hear them? I cant hear the incoherent babbling
it sounds really good but it makes sod all sense.
so a rewrite would be
the whispers resonating like a shell off the beach echoing into me, I don’t want to hear their passion, goading me, filling my mind with things I don’t wish to face.
so you are being truthful, and you are making sense.
anyway
just being helpful
yes?
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