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Posts
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UGO
@Jooly wrote:
@dagger wrote:
UGO
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
“Unfaithful”
Arriving home early from work one day. I heard the wife moaning upstairs. She must be on the toilet I thought to myself! Getting up the stairs myself, turned out, she was only in bed with my best friend, my Next door neighbour, I was shocked, stunned flabberghasted, choking and stuttering, I cried out to him How could you, I can’t comprehend, don’t understand! I mean I have to, you don’t!Grabbing him by the bollocks and holding real tight with an iron grip, I dragged him all the way down the stairway. He was whimpering – you can’t thrown me out naked man. I never answered, instead dragged him through the kitchen. Grabbing the largest bread knife I could find on route. He screamed for mercy you can’t cut it off man, please! I remained silent, dragged him into the back garden into the shed Jammed his manhood in to my work bench vice, and then smashed the handle off that vice!
Don’t cut it off man, please, he screamed! Oh, I’m not going to I said, picking up a can of Lawn Mower Pertol and handing him the Knife I said you are, I’m setting the shed on fire!
HOW WOMEN GET TO HEAVEN
A small boy walks into his mother’s room and catches her topless.
“Mommy, Mommy, what are those?” he says pointing to her breasts.“Well, son,” she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they
inflate and float you up to heaven.”Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite
satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes
into the kitchen. “Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!”“What do you mean?” says his mother.
“Well she’s out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her
balloons are out, Dad’s blowing them up, and she keeps yelling,
“God, I’m coming! God, I’m coming!”A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he noticed that something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and there was no response from his pilot.
The blind man felt around for the radio, then called the radio tower in a panic, “Help! Help!”
The tower quickly responded and asked, “What’s the problem?”
The blind man yelled frantically, “Help me! I’m blind… the pilot is dead, and we’re flying upside down!”
The tower acknowledged the man and asked calmly, “Sir, how do you know you’re upside down?”
Replied the blind man, “Because the sh it is runnin’ down my back!”
if new orleans is the city of jazz
what the hell is katrina and the waves doing there.
teh sick i know. :oops:
How d’ya kill a Circus?
Go for the Juggler! 8)
@pats wrote:
if new orleans is the city of jazz
what the hell is katrina and the waves doing there.
teh sick i know. :oops:
Quentin Tarintino`s new film set in New Orleans is to be named
Resavoir Wogs
ffs PATS what you doing to me pmlllllllllllllll
:oops: :oops: :oops: i know i must be as sick as u……..but that was funny……………………
Quality Control
In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.) program. We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other large company. If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.
All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all of the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed. If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T).
If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T).
Some of you already display aptitudes that would easily allow you to enter the Director of Intensity Program (D.I.P. S.H.I.T). Those who do not qualify for this position but are still interested will certainly be referred to the Director Under Management Bureau (D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.). Those individuals who do not meet the requirements of the Bureau must first complete Special Training Under Personal Individual Discretion, (S.T.U.P.I.D. S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please address them to our Head of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) program.
Thank you,
Boss In General
Special High Intensity Training
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one. By
> > giving
> >> >> an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The
test
> >> >> features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you
will
> >> > have
> >> >> to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest,
yet
> >> >> spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to
> > each
> >> >> line.
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around
> >> >> you
> >> >> caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of
> >> >> biblical
> >> >> proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper
> > and
> >> >> you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is
> >> >> nearly
> >> >> hopeless. You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are
> >> >> houses
> >> > and
> >> >> people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.
Nature
> > is
> >> >> unleashing all of its destructive fury.
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for
> >> >> his
> >> >> life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer
> >> > *somehow
> >> >> the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It’s George
W.
> >> >> Bush!
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take
> > him
> >> >> under … forever.
> >> >>
> >> >> You have two options-you can save the life of G.W. Bush or you can
> > shoot
> >> >> a
> >> >> dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one
of
> >> >> the
> >> >> world’s most powerful men. So here’s the question, and please give
an
> >> >> honest answer:
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the
> >> > classic
> >> >> simplicity of black and white?
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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