-
Posts
-
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”
=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>
Class that one absolute class Im sure fastcars will be able to relate to that one in some way too & will appreciate it ( or so im told )
:lol: :lol: :lol: :-
@metallica wrote:
Sick wife needs a blood transfusion. hubby donates his blood n saves her life. sum time later they split up and hubby demands his blood back! So his wife sent him a used tampon with a note saying…… Here u sick b@stard, il,l pay u monthly!!!
:lol: made me laugh, where should i bite :lol: :P :lol: :P
Ok my first go here, so bare with me…….
Ugo was driving home over the Severn Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn’t you know a welsh copper jumped out and clocked him with radar. Ugo pulled over like a good driver does.
The welsh copper walked up to the window and said, “You know how fast you were going BOY?!?”
Ugo thought for a second and asked, “Uhhh, over 60?”
“93mph son! 93mph in a 70 area!”
“But if you already knew,” replied Ugo, “Why did you ask me?”
Ignoring Ugo, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, “That’s speeding and your getting points and a fine!” The copper took a good look at Ugo and said, “You don’t even look like you have a job! Why,… I’ve never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!”
Ugo recanted, “I’ve got a job! I have a good, well paying job!”
The copper leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, “What kind of a job would a bum like you have?!?”
“I’m an a**hole stretcher!!!” replied Ugo.
“What you say, BOY?!?” asked the copper.
“I’m an a**hole stretcher!!!”
Of course the copper asked, “What does an a**hole stretcher do?”
Ugo explained, ” People call me up and say they want to be stretched, so I go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I pull them farther and farther apart until it’s six feet across.”
The welsh copper, absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, “What the hell do you do with a six foot a**hole ?”
Ugo nonchalantly commented, “You give it a radar gun and stick it at the end of the severn bridge…….!”:lol: druid, is that a take on sailingal’s joke, or wherever she got it, wasn’t it about a blonde :lol:
Todays Joke Of The Day Has To be
F.A.S.T.C.A.R.S. :lol: :lol: :lol:
:- :-({|= =;
@constantino wrote:
:lol: druid, is that a take on sailingal’s joke, or wherever she got it, wasn’t it about a blonde :lol:
well thought it was funny and im blonde !! well done druid !! =D> =D> :lol: :lol:
@constantino wrote:
:lol: druid, is that a take on sailingal’s joke, or wherever she got it, wasn’t it about a blonde :lol:
I’ll have to scroll up and read that :shock: , no I haven’t read SG’s yet
Why, thank you Buns :)
@bunny wrote:
@constantino wrote:
:lol: druid, is that a take on sailingal’s joke, or wherever she got it, wasn’t it about a blonde :lol:
well thought it was funny and im blonde !! well done druid !! =D> =D> :lol: :lol:
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like crazy…. (She’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.)
Get involved in this discussion! Log in or register now to have your say!