joke

Me too!!!! :lol:

Hubby & wifey in kitchen the week leading up to Christmas, Hubby turns to wifey and says gosh its that time of the year when the Milkman, The Baker, the Postman, the Dustman all expect a tip for christmas and with that he counts out 4 piles of coins amounting to £2 a pile.
Later in the week he comes home from work to find his wife in bed with the window cleaner and goes ballistic,. throwing the poor guy naked through the open window.
Turning to his wife he says what the hell where you doing ??

Looking sheepishly she mutters “Following your orders” “You said give everyone £2 and when I said what about the window cleaner you said – He never cleans them properly feck him” ” So I Did”

Being a bit of a Joker (there’s a surprise) I decided to have a bit of fun with the Village Vicar. He’d been moaning to me all week about his constipation and how painful it was not to do his daily ablutions. Now knowing he always took his morning constitutional before morning service I slipped 6 spoons of senacot into his coffee as he always called in to see me prior to talking his stroll.
Once he had set off I quickly gutted the 3 Rabbits I had caught the previous day and put them in a freezer bag. Donning my camouflage clothing I set off in hot pursuit of the reverend and sure as eggs are eggs he got caught short and quickly hurried behind a bush to relieve himself. As he was squatting down I hastily emptied the contents of the freezer bag beneath him and beat a retreat silently.

Attending the morning service the Vicar looked at peace with the world and gave a sermon with confidence. Afterwards as is customary he stood at the entrance to the church and thanked his parishioners for their attendance. Hanging back I waited till I was the last to leave the church so as to rib the man of the cloth and my earlier prank.

“Hey Vicar great Service and you seemed so relaxed” I ventured. “Yes Steve” He replied “The lord graced me today and my constipation was allayed”.
“But I have a confession which is slightly embarrassing _ I got caught short during my stroll after visiting you and I had to retire behind a bush to relieve myself”. “That’s not embarrassing vicar it happens to us all at some point in our lives” I quipped. “Maybe Steve but when I looked down all my intestines had come out due to my straining” he said sheepishly. “ NO “ I replied “ What did you do” ???
“well I thanked the lord for taking away my pain and with a little stick I found close by I managed to push them all back in “ at which he looked skyward and smiled..

Sh1tty I know but hey it only Banter!!!