Job Application

me and spotlight have both applied for the newcastle job this evening, I feel we both got a good chance of taking the hotseat, this is a real letter, i have sent to newcastle united football club tonight

Mr Sheppard

First of all, i would like to congratulate, Alan, for scoring 201 goals for the club, without him you would probably have sold the club by now and done somthing usefull with your money

However, I see your club as a big club, so ok, it has’nt won much, infact, i don’t think its won anything at all? Does this upset you? I would like to change this. Think out with the rubbish, in with the new

A new canteen is where i will start, I know alan loves his ham burgers, and what alan wants, alan should get, i am a great beleiver of playing a sh*t player just because of his stature within a club, we should also bring back gazza, and peter beardsley, we could get these players on a free, and save yourself millions by selling Owen, We can always bring in Owen Hargreaves instead, the fans won’t tell the difference, they are not the brightest

my past experiance includes being a hall monitor at school, and coaching a netball team in the early years of secondery school, I am also very computer lititerate, and i am really good at pro evo soccer

I hope you like my ideas, and i hope to hear from you soon, if not, please can you forward this application to Mr Gibson up the road? and maybe we can go for a drink sometime, just you me and alan?

Many Thanks

Matty_________________