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Don’t worry about any debating against what i’ve said, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, mine are based on my own experiences and ideals, as others are theres.
But as my type unsettles people so much i will quote something instead.From a psychotherapist on child abuse.
The first and often the only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person who does the forgiveness…When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us.
The main concern is that the form of forgiveness that you choose eradicates blame so thoroughly that you have no traces of feeling like a victim. For, if you live in victim mentality, you are at risk of defining your life based on your wounds. We cannot take counsel from the wounded! We cannot allow self to be controlled by another’s failures. Being free from the feeling of victimization is the true sign of recovery, and this kind of help is what these people should be getting, and goes back to my culture of victims post some months back. We all cope and deal with things differently and i do understand the many views i truly do, but me as a person chooses to take the above view for my own reasons, if that makes me stupid then fine, but it is my choice, and one i am happy in making.
@kent f OBE wrote:
…if you prefer to carry on “bashing” her I can’t stop you…….I also remember when you were getting it from all angles over your Polish and EU threads
I’m not ‘bashing’ anyone. The boards are for opinions and I like to express mine. Did I get ‘bashed’? I don’t think so. I think I won the EU debate hands down. :wink:
Oh and another thing. Will you stop typing this > …… between words? It is so annoying.
In order to forgive someone, you first have to acknowledge that they did something that warrants forgiveness. How can you do this without directly or indirectly identifying yourself as a victim?
If you subsequently refer to something that was done to you, does that mean you haven’t forgiven the person that has done it?
If the initial deed has resulted in other events in your history, and you refer to this, does mere reference to that fact mean you are adopting victim status?
Does forgiveness require that you pretend something has never taken place, even if it had significant consequences?
Or is it possible to be frank about something done to you and its consequences, and express an honest opinion about the person(s) who did it without either nullifying forgiveness or wallowing in victim status?
@panda12 wrote:
@jen_jen wrote:
It’s a sensitive topic, poli has expressed a controversial view that several people disagree with…why is expressing that disagreement seen as poli-bashing?
Grrrrrrrrrrrr @ you Jen!
Stop talking sense, woman! :D
she is a right bugger that one.. I have seen bigger and better ” debates”. and along she comes like a Modern day Dorothy parker with a one liner that puts us all to shame.
Wish i could be cool !
@wordsworth60 wrote:
In order to forgive someone, you first have to acknowledge that they did something that warrants forgiveness. How can you do this without directly or indirectly identifying yourself as a victim?
If you subsequently refer to something that was done to you, does that mean you haven’t forgiven the person that has done it?
If the initial deed has resulted in other events in your history, and you refer to this, does mere reference to that fact mean you are adopting victim status?
Does forgiveness require that you pretend something has never taken place, even if it had significant consequences?
Or is it possible to be frank about something done to you and its consequences, and express an honest opinion about the person(s) who did it without either nullifying forgiveness or wallowing in victim status?
BRILLIANT post.. xx
@wordsworth60 wrote:
In order to forgive someone, you first have to acknowledge that they did something that warrants forgiveness. How can you do this without directly or indirectly identifying yourself as a victim? 1Every person who has suffered at the hands of someone else is a victim initially, otherwise there has been no crime.
If you subsequently refer to something that was done to you, does that mean you haven’t forgiven the person that has done it? 2No it doesn’t
If the initial deed has resulted in other events in your history, and you refer to this, does mere reference to that fact mean you are adopting victim status? 3possibly if you are using it to strengthen, or as a means of defence or arguement, not saying its a bad thing mind we all have moments of weakness and self pity, often born from anger, its natural
Does forgiveness require that you pretend something has never taken place, even if it had significant consequences? 4Definately not, but usually it helps you decide whats worth fighting and whats worth letting go of
Or is it possible to be frank about something done to you and its consequences, and express an honest opinion about the person(s) who did it without either nullifying forgiveness or wallowing in victim status?5 Refer to my third reply
Words i’m not dictating to anyone here, merely giving a differing viewpoint, mine maybe wrong, yours or someone else may be right, or maybe they are all right for the individual, i am not judging anyone choices, i know sometimes mine appear odd to some, but sometimes things in life give radical views as ways of living your own life in your own way, and i agree with alot of points that have been raised and have said so, but also have my own different ones. But in truth i’ve said all i need or want to say on this now, except to say, i hope some good comes from this investigation i really do, for those truly needing help, which are probably the ones still to come forward, who need help to move on.
i’m sure as the weeks and months go past we will hear more on this, and i have said far more than i want to do, and far more than most want me to do too lol. But will read the updates as they occur.@terry wrote:
Oh and another thing. Will you stop typing this > …… between words? It is so annoying.
No
Poli, I anticipate many more contributions from on this subject in this thread. But everyone should have at least one Sinatra-style withdrawal from the JC stage.
Here’s to the 10th Anniversary Reunion debate . . . . .
I reckon to forgive someone who has in some way violated your body (or someone you knows’), you either gotta be extremely brave or turn to religion.
Therefore, I do kinda see where Poli is coming from, but just don’t think that I could do it, and don’t understand how those that do (if they really do) – if ya get my drift!
@anc wrote:
I reckon to forgive someone who has in some way violated your body (or someone you knows’), you either gotta be extremely brave or turn to religion.
Therefore, I do kinda see where Poli is coming from, but just don’t think that I could do it, and don’t understand how those that do (if they really do) – if ya get my drift!
I agree what you’re saying…maybe they are able to deal with it…would take an incredible person to be able to forigive such violation
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