In the News:

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas
bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.” (The Daily Telegraph)

2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole
salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she
was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)

3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van,
because they cannot issue a description. Its a Special Branch vehicle
and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The
Guardian)

4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth
was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman
commented, “This sort of thing is all too common”. (The Times)

5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard
and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but
he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just
blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)

6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience
with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each
week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she
recalled. “He’d always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the
crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt
out ‘Heil Hitler.'”
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)