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When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, we were told that it was terminal and it would be all about keeping him comfortable.
Our son was away travelling round the world on his gap year, we initially decided to keep it from him as he was in Australia at the time. Two weeks later it was decided that anoperation to remove various tumours would make life easier for him. My husband decided that he was not prepared to take a chance and have the operation without talking to our son first.
So when he rang a few days later I told him over the telephone which was not the best way but the only way which was available to me. He flew home and arrived 36 hours later.
My husband lived for another 12 months after that and my son said to me that he would never have been able to forgive me if I had not let him have those precious last 12 months with his dad.
As a family we managed to do lots of things in those final 12 months that we had been “putting off” as people do.
My dad and Gran died within about 22 weeks of each other, both from lung cancer, Dad had 2 and a half weeks after his diagnosis before he died, which in effect would have been the same if he had of not told us for months til it was close to the end, on the other hand Gran knew and we knew for about 20 months before she passed away that she had it, as the family left behind I can vouch that it was so much easier to come to terms with Gran’s death as we were conditioned to it, Dad’s death came as a bolt out of the blue and even now 19 months on I find it hard to comprehend.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
Prior to reading this i may have said that i’d not say anything, and having seen the pain people have to go through it seems easier for everyone not to say anything, but now im not so sure, maybe i would tell those very close to me i really dont know, but i’m glad i knew when it happened to me but i think some would have been better not knowing, its a very difficult one and i think you have to go on the moment, and those around you.
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