-
Posts
-
It’s quiet as the grave tonight..seems like I have the place to myself for once..rather like being shut in Woolworth’s pik n’ mix section..so many choices..iced caramels. turkish delights, liquorice whirls..that I can’t make my mind up and end up with nowt but a face like a slapped ar.se and a virulent case of the hiccups.
That’s indecision for ya. On that note, I’m off to hail sweet morphia’s taxi, hoping to be dropped off, quite literally. at a dream factory near you.
Insane? I should bloodywell think so!why did an nice post warrant the above
fine example of a message board bully
sorry fine is the wrong adjective
nothing fine about it
just sad@жTHя& wrote:
Still Alive then :roll:
No..I’m writing this from the Co-op funeral parlour..the other stiffs have got sod-all to say for themselves and I’m bored rigid…least I think I am though it could be the rigor mortis.
Gets exciting later though, when the relatives get to argue over choice of coffin. I told the buggers I wanted bundled into a bio-degradable refuse-sack and shovelled into the back garden, but apparently half the family were refusing to attend on the grounds if it not being proper respectful, and the other half were pis.sed at the prospect of missing out on the full buffet with drinks at the Digger’s Arms.
Wait..there’s somebody coming..with a bit of luck it’ll be the necrophiliac mortician..hope they remembered to dress me in the crotchless knickers….@esmeralda wrote:
@жTHя& wrote:
Still Alive then :roll:
No..I’m writing this from the Co-op funeral parlour..the other stiffs have got sod-all to say for themselves and I’m bored rigid…least I think I am though it could be the rigor mortis.
Gets exciting later though, when the relatives get to argue over choice of coffin. I told the buggers I wanted bundled into a bio-degradable refuse-sack and shovelled into the back garden, but apparently half the family were refusing to attend on the grounds if it not being proper respectful, and the other half were pis.sed at the prospect of missing out on the full buffet with drinks at the Digger’s Arms.
Wait..there’s somebody coming..with a bit of luck it’ll be the necrophiliac mortician..hope they remembered to dress me in the crotchless knickers….pml @that. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Did you remember to leave me your slippers ? I need them more than ever with the foot crust .
and nice post before some bampot tried to ruin it. I myself had a night of telly with the foot crust up on settee. had a braw pick during indecent proposal.. the film that is NOT real life shenanigans ;)
@rubyred wrote:
Did you remember to leave me your slippers ? I need them more than ever with the foot crust .
and nice post before some bampot tried to ruin it. I myself had a night of telly with the foot crust up on settee. had a braw pick during indecent proposal.. the film that is NOT real life shenanigans ;)
I most certainly did leave you my slippers..the pink ones with the white polka dots..only..my feet may still be in them..I haven’t dared look..but there was a kefuffle when the mortuary hatch fell on me whilst the mortician was lighting a post-coitus fag. :roll:
och not to worry hen,, i can always use your feet for an umbrella stand, if the toffs can have an elephants foot, then i can have a matching pair ! Be nice on my mantlepeice too, like a pair o bookends. who needs china dugs !
Necrophilia in mortuarys isn’t as uncommon as you might imagine – in spite of Esme’s tongue in cheek comments.
When I was a student (in the 1930’s lol) I had a holiday job as a ‘nurse’ in an old folk’s home and did a twice a week shift in the attached mortuary.
It was a well known ‘fact’ (according to local informed gossip) that one of the mortuary attendants always made a point of staying late alone whenever a deceased female was admitted.
One week when I arrived for my shift, I was told that he had been sacked, having been caught in flagante with one of said female corpses. However, major efforts went into hushing it up in case any of the relatives found out and leaked it to the press.
It was later said that this bloke couldn’t tell the difference between the response he got from a cadaver and that which he got from his girlfriend….. only that he didn’t have to say thank you afterwards to the cadaver.
@esmeralda wrote:
@жTHя& wrote:
Still Alive then :roll:
No..I’m writing this from the Co-op funeral parlour..the other stiffs have got sod-all to say for themselves and I’m bored rigid…least I think I am though it could be the rigor mortis.
Gets exciting later though, when the relatives get to argue over choice of coffin. I told the buggers I wanted bundled into a bio-degradable refuse-sack and shovelled into the back garden, but apparently half the family were refusing to attend on the grounds if it not being proper respectful, and the other half were pis.sed at the prospect of missing out on the full buffet with drinks at the Digger’s Arms.
Wait..there’s somebody coming..with a bit of luck it’ll be the necrophiliac mortician..hope they remembered to dress me in the crotchless knickers….LOL esme xxxx
@forumhostpb wrote:
Necrophilia in mortuarys isn’t as uncommon as you might imagine – in spite of Esme’s tongue in cheek comments.
When I was a student (in the 1930’s lol) I had a holiday job as a ‘nurse’ in an old folk’s home and did a twice a week shift in the attached mortuary.
It was a well known ‘fact’ (according to local informed gossip) that one of the mortuary attendants always made a point of staying late alone whenever a deceased female was admitted.
One week when I arrived for my shift, I was told that he had been sacked, having been caught in flagante with one of said female corpses. However, major efforts went into hushing it up in case any of the relatives found out and leaked it to the press.
It was later said that this bloke couldn’t tell the difference between the response he got from a cadaver and that which he got from his girlfriend….. only that he didn’t have to say thank you afterwards to the cadaver.
And he didn’t have to buy her a drink or dinner beforehand!!!!!!!!
or afterwards either :lol:
Get involved in this discussion! Log in or register now to have your say!