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getting back to the topic , im guessing ur now in ur 30,s and have hit that crossroads in ur life that many women go through , waking up in the morning ” what am i doing , where am i going , ive got a life i want more from it , many relationships and marriages break up ,this usually happens to ppl that settled down too young
so i think its the state of life in general ur in and not the fact that uve started a degree although that could be the thing whats made u realise that you want more from lifeRings Tickers’ secretary for an appointment………the man knows what he’s talking about! :lol:
Your comments are true. Its going back and realizing what I’ve missed out on, or more to say realizing I never did anything when I could. Experiment, find myself or whatever and now as a mother I really can’t no matter how much I would like to my kids come first. But it is true women do have it harder, I want more children and have for the past three years but over thinking and always thinking where will I be in nine months, and then the first 6 months. I missed a week, last week because my son was so sick he was admitted to the hospital. I know what life is like with an infant, even more unpredictable.
Bear with me I’m going to vent a little. I feel like I haven’t taken a break but because of that stress I’m slacking in my work at Uni and home. I was a ‘housewife’ for 5 years, I wanted to take care of my kids in the beginning I was ok until I had my daughter (2nd child) and suddenly I was frustrated and wanted more in my life (I was happy in my marriage at this point). Suddenly we decide to go abroad so I could complete my education.
One year of the stress of applying to Uni’s being rejected by two of the three I applied too. I’m funded so I walked in thinking my acceptance was more money related. Ok then during the whole MSc stressed and coming to grips that I wasn’t who I was at 20 while having the worst problems I have ever had in my marriage and wondering if we were meant to be. Enter 2nd year stressed I wouldn’t get accepted for my PhD (same supervisor and was still stressed). Then started working on the paperwork (protocol and ethics for my thesis). I literally went from my writing my MSc thesis to working on my PhD, no break.
Ok my thesis is back in my country,so I went back and stayed at my parents house for three months, were my parents were on the brick of divorce and having a crazy sister that was making it worse between them and me being the mediator between parents and sibling. At the end of the three months I was emotionally drained, depressed and just anxious to get back. Keeping in mind my husband was also dealing with really big family problems as well. Both of us went back with family issues still bad when we left and get worse in the next month after we get back with constant calls to us. This brings us to today, both on edge but feeling unsupported by the other. I am sorry I just needed to let that out. Life is hard no question but how do you know if you’ve been happy or content in your marriage. Or more so should I be patient that this is just a crappy point in our marriage which I just need to ride out. I never talk to anyone seriously about my issues, I just make jokes so this is self therapy for me, anonymous venting. Your opinions are appreciated and helpful. ThanksDont let it fester, sort it out, get help if needed but don’t ignore it. There is a point beyond which it’s too late and you might find it was a mistake but now you can’t put it right.
I see where youre coming from i had children at a young age and sacrificed many things because of it …….it is hard trying to find a place for youreself when youre a mother but it is possible and theres is a lot of help and support out there if you are brave enough to ask for it ……as for the family issues you have to be tough and realise sometimes you have to let people sort there issues out for themselves there is only so much you can do to help people, Im sure youre husband wants to support you and just beacuse things are bad dosent mean you were never supposed to be together everyone has moments in there life when they struggle and feel the world is falling down around there ears but you have to battle on through it ……..once youre family problems are sorted and youre confidence at uni returns you will probably discover relations between youre self and youre husband improve if they dont then maybe you should question the relationship……..just have faith in youre self ,its apparent youre a intelligent woman and can handle what is being laid out infront of you just belive in youreself and remeber whatever life throws at you as long as you and youre kids are ok really nothing elce matters :wink:
Maybe being able to “talk” though the boards is helping you Confused. When we write things down, we suddenly see what problems need adressing, rather than thinking them in our heads. You seem very receptive. You obviously understand your hubbys problems as well.
There comes a point in our lives when we simply cannot help everyone who needs us. It’s taken 30 odd years for my brothers and sister to realise that strain on me. Unfortunately it took so long only because I never confide in anyone, and there was a point in my life when i needed them. Tell your family how you feel, what you are going through. They are probably not being selfish in wanting you to sort things out for them but see it as a normal thing for them to reach out to you.
Talk to someone before you talk to your hubby. Sort your own feelings out before you sort out your partnership. Your personal turmoil is flowing over into your marriage. Not the other way round it seems.
xxDear Mrs Confused, I have read your position with much sorrow. here in Nigeria we do not have such matters as our wifes are told to always obey the husbands. They have the job to look after his needs and to cook for him and to bear the children.
All the wifes in my village are most happy and sated and take no wish for more things to do with themselves again.
If you did these things with your husband and clean the house often you will also find the happiness in doing this. A full belly and a warm bedding is often the way to be most happy.
He’s forgotten his medication again :shock:
@Adeboje Mwambi wrote:
Dear Mrs Confused, I have read your position with much sorrow. here in Nigeria we do not have such matters as our wifes are told to always obey the husbands. They have the job to look after his needs and to cook for him and to bear the children.
All the wifes in my village are most happy and sated and take no wish for more things to do with themselves again.
If you did these things with your husband and clean the house often you will also find the happiness in doing this. A full belly and a warm bedding is often the way to be most happy.
Don’t know wether to laugh or cry!
Laugh!
Welcome back Adeboje! :lol:
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