holiday skiing trip

Even if you aren’t a skier, you’ll be able to
appreciate the humour of the slopes as written by a
New Orleans paper:

A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to
Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of
anybody’s heart.

Conditions were perfect…12 below, no feeling in the
toes, basic numbness all over…the “Tell me when
we’re having fun” kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her
husband that she was in dire need of a rest room. He
told her not to worry, that he was sure there was
relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a
powder room for female skiers in distress. He was
wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If
you’ve ever had nature hit its panic button in you,
then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn’t
help matters. With time running out, the woman weighed
her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity
of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an
all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods
and no one would even notice. He assured her, “The
white will provide more than adequate camouflage.” So
she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski
pants and proceeded to do her thing.

If you’ve ever parked on the side of a slope, then you
know there is a right way and wrong way to set your
skis so you don’t move. Yup, you got it!!!
She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes
are not forgiving…even during the most embarrassing
moments. Without warning, the woman found herself
skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the
trees…somehow missing all of them and onto another
slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still
bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was
picking up speed all the while. She continued
backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual
vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back
under the lift and finally collided violently with a
pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was
unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last
her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show,
then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to
a hospital.

While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously
broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. “So, how’d
you break your leg?” she asked, making small talk.

“It was the stupidest thing you ever saw,” he said. “I
was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn’t
believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing
backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with
her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned
over to get a better look and fell out of the lift.”
….. “So, how’d you break your arm?”