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My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring
the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I’m in a
good mood it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond.My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, “This will make you happy tonight.” He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn’t get back in.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.” The woman says, “I’ll miss you.”
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.He said: “Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you really badly”. She said: “Well, you’ve succeeded”.
He said: “Shall we try swapping positions tonight?” She said: “That’s a good idea…you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart”.
He said: “What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?” She said: “Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard’.
Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.Q: What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can’t stand criticism.Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a
head?
A: Reload and try again:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
8) 8) :lol:
@geordiebird wrote:
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring
the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I’m in a
good mood it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond.My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, “This will make you happy tonight.” He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn’t get back in.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.” The woman says, “I’ll miss you.”
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.He said: “Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you really badly”. She said: “Well, you’ve succeeded”.
He said: “Shall we try swapping positions tonight?” She said: “That’s a good idea…you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart”.
He said: “What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?” She said: “Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat nice guy’.
Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.Q: What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can’t stand criticism.Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a
head?
A: Reload and try again:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
you sent me these on saturday, and i was reading em out loud while pi ssed, i couldnt read for the tears that were streamin down me face ffs, even pluty was laffin at the way i was laffin ffs :lol:
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