Favourite Poems and Prose.

Water Lilies
by Sara Teasdale

But if you remember, then turn away forever
To the plains and the prairies where pools are far apart,
There you will not come at dusk on closing water lilies,
And the shadow of mountains will not fall on your heart.

Planned or unplanned – my child is a blessing.

The love of a child is something that is pure and unconditional; every time we hurt our beautiful precious child the child will blame themselves for not being good enough or worthy. When of course we are not the worthy ones. Do we want to pass on this legacy, why is it that the only consistent thing for some parents is inconsistency. Do we feed our own pain by destroying them. Planned or unplanned; the love a child gives will always exceed what they receive but for how long?

Where do we draw the line? when do we say I can’t do that? when we love to such depth we physically feel it in every fibre of our being – NOTHING is ever too hard however so it may feel. We suffer our own emotional torture in order to prevent theirs, we push ourselves daily to accomplish the days events when we feel like running and hiding from our miserable existence; because that is what real love is. What we give of ourselves is infinite and we are happy to do so – but what happens to the child who does not receive enough; do they learn to hate, stop trusting, become unable to form relationships forget to sing and skip merrily through this world and instead carry their heavy load, become angry apathetic and unfocussed, withdrawn, scared. Our children rarely do as we advise but they ape what they see, we teach them how to treat others by the way we treat them, our sacred daughters marry men like their fathers because the behaviour is comfortable and must therefore be right how much responsibility we hold by what we subtly teach them. I endeavour to right all the wrongs inflicted on my child knowing I will never be able to do so, but could not be a mother if I did not try.

I would like to share the following extract and hope you gain as much from it as i did.

Real isn’t how you are made, “said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for along, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes, “said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at one, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once, “said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or whole have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

– by Margery Williams, from The Velveteen Rabbit –

If you stop being loved by a child do you cease to be real?

If you cease to be real do you fade away?

If you fade away do you feel un-endurable hurt?

If the hurt you feel kills your very soul do you feel what you have caused

If you cause a Childs smile to become a frown do you forever frown

If you frown and beg forgiveness do you have to forgive yourself?

If you cannot forgive yourself do you deserve the child

was’nt really sure where to post this

lolly

Bless you Cath xx

some thought provoking stuff too lolly, what happens to the child that doesnt get enough? sure some do go through life mimicking what their own childhood role models showed them but others break the mould……. .

childhood is a very special time in life and trust as a child is important, once broken in those that should love and protect them is gone then the journey begins for the child. some children grow up and completely go against what they have been told or experienced become ‘well rounded adults ‘ and bring up kids successfully of their own. the reverse is true also though some kids who have everything completely go off the rails?

kids dont come with a handbook, but having kids i believe is one of the greatest experiences in the world, someone else may feel totally different.

if you cannot forgive yourself do you deserve the child….. without question , a child is a gift and that gift that should be cherished and loved and given the foundation to go out into this big world and experience the next stage of this thing called life.

@lolly wrote:

I agree with what you say cath but feel its a game of russian roulette when a parent knowingly takes a chance with a childs emotional outcome. At some level not having emotional intelligence makes it excusable to an extent, but i guess i am talking about the ones that see what they are doing and yet continue.

Does everyone deserve a child? BIG question – i agree a child is a gift but what of the parents that do not recognise this and fail to give the foundation.
Thanks for taking the time to respond cath x

sometimes the child of those parents turn out to be far and away better citizens and give much more to this society.

I dont know why some become parents, why when it is clear they cannot cope nor treat the child as they should be.

I dont have the answers aobut the ones that see what they are doing and yet continue, as a parent some of the attrocities that some children have to endure break my heart, and I have found that sometimes i have to detach just a little to stop from going under with it all, children are our future and maybe , just maybe in our own little corner of the world we can help our children and those around our community we can help give some grounding and support.

i dont know what the answer is at all lolly, and can only hope i have given enough love/security and emotional grounding too my 2 girls to stand them in good stead should they become parents.