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EVER WONDER where we are headed…
… why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
… why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
… why you don’t ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
… why ‘abbreviated’ is such a long word?
… why doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
… why you have to click on ‘Start’ to stop Windows 98?
… why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
… why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
… why there isn’t mouse-flavoured cat food?
… who tastes dog food when it has a ‘new & improved’ flavour?
… why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?
… why they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
… why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
… why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
… why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
… if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
… why they call the airport ‘the terminal’ if flying is so safe?
AND…
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: ‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’ (and that would be how???….)
On some frozen dinners: ‘Serving suggestion: Defrost.’ (but, it’s ‘just’ a suggestion).
On Nanna’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): ‘Do not turn upside down.’ (well…duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: ‘Product will be hot after heating.’ (…and you thought????…)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: ‘Do not iron clothes on body.’ (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:’Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’ (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: ‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’ (and…I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights: ‘For indoor or outdoor use only.’ (as opposed to…what?)
On a Japanese food processor: ‘Not to be used for the other use.’ (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Nobby’s peanuts: ‘Warning: contains nuts.’ (talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: ‘Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.’ (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)
I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child’s superman costume: ‘Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.’
On a Swedish chainsaw: ‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’
(…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)…in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
Well observed maryj. brilliant!! :lol:
Yeah, thanks for that!
did you write all that yourself?
=D> =D> well that sure made me laugh :lol: cheers mary
im headin 2 the pub later :D
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said, “You want hot fudge with that?
And Man said, “Yes!”
And Woman said, “I’ll have one too with chocolate chips”.
And lo, they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said, “Try my fresh green salad”.
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, “I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them”.
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable T.V. with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said, “You want fries with that?” and Man replied, “Yes, And super size ’em”.
And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then Satan chuckled, and created the National Health Service.
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
@pats wrote:
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said, “You want hot fudge with that?
And Man said, “Yes!”
And Woman said, “I’ll have one too with chocolate chips”.
And lo, they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said, “Try my fresh green salad”.
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, “I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them”.
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable T.V. with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said, “You want fries with that?” and Man replied, “Yes, And super size ’em”.
And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then Satan chuckled, and created the National Health Service.
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
you want salt n sauce with that lol
nice one PATS lol
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