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The wife was so smug. “Call me the brains of the family from now on!” she said. “I’ve saved a fiver filling the car across the road!”
“What did you do, flash your t!ts at the attendant?” I laughed.
“Ooh, you men are so silly. It’s easy to spot they’re 10p a litre cheaper.”
“Really and on our doorstep?”
“Yes! God knows why you fill it up with diesel if unleaded’s that price!”
Seems that God was just about done creating the universe. The Lord had a couple of leftovers in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to urinate while standing up. “It can be very handy,” God explained to Adam and Eve. “Would either of you like that ability?”
Adam popped a cork. He jumped up and begged, “Oh, give that to me! It seems the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please, Lord, let me have that ability. I would be forever grateful.”
Eve just smiled and shook her head at Adam’s display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, then she really wouldn’t mind if he were the one given the ability to urinate while standing up.
And so, the Lord gave Adam the ability to urinate while standing up. Then, He looked back into his bag of leftover gifts. “Now, what have we here? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms…”
This thread has made me laugh so much…thanks Eva and Master :lol:
ty kent honey
and calling all the girlies, please post ur own joke and help me win the battle of the sexes
tbh im rapidly running out of jokes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
@eva licious wrote:
ty kent honey
and calling all the girlies, please post ur own joke and help me win the battle of the sexes
tbh im rapidly running out of jokes xxxx
There is no battle Eva…we are winners…..just let the blokes carry on thinking they can :wink:
Q: What’s a man’s idea of honesty in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They’re married.Q. What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour (or gay)Q. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
Five – one to actually do the screwing, and four to listen to him brag about itAnd finally:
Testosterone causes high blood pressure, high mobilization of libids (and insuing arterial desposits), a higher metabolic rate (which increases wear and tear on most organs), and aggressive behavior (which encourages accidental death).Nature is an anti-man joke.
excellent ones jen pmsl think theyve pushed us way out in front
kent cldnt have put it better myself
what do u think master wanna wave the white flag n admit defeat xxxx
@eva licious wrote:
what do u think master wanna wave the white flag n admit defeat xxxx
You wish, lover! xx
I was walking past my local community board the other day, where I spotted a sign that said,
‘Women Against Sexism Workshop’.
I thought, “Workshop? That’s no place for a woman.”
I recently subscribed to SKY TV. They sent a man round to my house in order to set up the satellite.Strange, I always thought it was a woman’s job to do the dishes..
I let my wife take me out for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, “Shall we do something we’ve never done in the car before?”I said, “Go on then, bang it into fourth gear.”
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.Why is a Laundrette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me . . ..”What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won’t do what she’s told.What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”
Young Son: “Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: “Wife Wanted.” The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
welcome to the thread andy xxxxxxxxx the more the merrier
Q: What’s the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A: A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.Q: What’s the difference between E.T. and a man?
A: E.T. phoned home.Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: “Filthy” and “Filthy but wearable”.Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own
business?
1. No mind
2. No business.Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly, you can walk on them for the rest of your life!Q: What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.Q: Why are men and like spray paint?
A: One squeeze and they’re all over you.Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That’s a good idea…. you stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart.Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on
the second date?
A: Slow.Q: What is the insensitive bit at the base of the
penis called?
A: The man.Men are like disposable tissues…
You can pick them up, blow them and then toss them
aside.Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one, but you’re not quite sure why …or…They burn out if you run them to hard…
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