Eurovision Song Contest

@The Observer wrote:

@catz wrote:

I vote for Lithuania … even though I never watched and dunno if they actually sung :lol:

You’re just showing off that you can spell it.

You seem familiar :wink:

@*Sian* wrote:

@squeezy wrote:

@chathostuk wrote:

**VOTING TIME**

Well who are you going to vote for? We have had rock, romance and confusion.

Top 5 will be:

malta
moldova
sweden
denmark
romania

The winner will be Malta – that would be ‘Amazing’.

I think Sweden will do well – was quite catchy.

Finland cos they were weird :lol:

Uk cos I have to support our country.

Oh you want to be part of Britain now then huh?? :lol: :lol:

When it suits eh :lol:

Hi Sian btw :wink:

@catz wrote:

@The Observer wrote:

@catz wrote:

I vote for Lithuania … even though I never watched and dunno if they actually sung :lol:

You’re just showing off that you can spell it.

You seem familiar :wink:

Unfortunately not familiar enough.

I have grouped Martin’s posts to remind me who sung what :lol:

Switzerland summary – apparently a bunch of drunks, with the guys managing to grab a few pennies to buy some rather fetching hats

Moldova summary – Moldova’s version of Peter Andre along with Moldova’s version of Britney Spears. Just as you think you have seen it all, some guy rides onto stage on a scooter and starts rapping.

Best lyric, ‘Hey loca give me your boca, and I’ll give you my choca’

I tip this as favourite to win so far.

Israel summary – I think this whole routine was stolen from the local chuch at choir time. All dressed in white, starts with a guy lying over a piano. Now as he sings, he moves in amongst the female church goers.

Oh, now he just grabbed his groin and done a little twist. Church in Israel must be far more interesting than the ones I have been to here.

Latvia summary – Oh my God. Just had to turn the volume down. Men screaming into microphones. But not with rock-like cool, rather with a heart-broken, testicle lost whine.

Now it is turning into some kind of Barber Shop rap with shoulder dipping and stepping to the side. I still can’t figure out if they are singing in English or Latvian.

Oh, and right at the end he pulls a plastic heart out of his pocket and raises it above his head. Genius.

Norway summary – Yet another group all dressed in white. This time though we have a bunch of Norwegian models. Can this blatant attempt to win a song contest by using sex to sell the song work? Even amongst the prudes of Europe?

Very relaxed and dreamy – indeed, I think they may be trying to hypnotise us all into voting for them. Oh and we have the girls playing violins too!

I did not realised that Norway was so full of talent. But then again we are only seeing the women. Nice use of wind machine to wave around the sleek dresses too.

Has a good chance, but I think they lose it for not singing in English. Oh and for not doing the riverdance to their music. They lost the Irish vote at least just for that error

Spain summary – Well we have ladies in red sitting at the back ‘singing’ and two in black writhing around on the stage (or are they women too???).

Sung in the style of a bunch of 6 year olds at a school talent contest who ended up coming last.

Truly awful. Not even cheesy choreography can save this one. May just clinch it.

Best lyrics – ‘Tuuutteee freeee, tuuuutteeee freeeee’

Malta summary – We know the guy wants to do something, but we arent sure. Oh no, they lyrics develop to say it’s us that he wants to do. Seems like sex and white is the running theme of Eurovision this year.

OK this guy is Malta’s version of Michael Flatley, but with a face like Ricky Martin. Just imagine the parents. Oh hang on, now he wants to love us like a fool. Is he insulting us? Not that way to get votes, Ricky Flatley.

Gets points for nice eyebrows and enthusiastic female backing dancers. I actually rate this as a strong contender for winning. Mark my words.

Germany summary – Most people think nursery rhymes are simply fairy tales in song format. The characters surely cannot exist. Germany proves us wrong.

We have Little Bo Peep singing country with a bunch of Mexicans and inflatable cacti. If this song doesn’t make you want to reach for the tequilla, I dont know what will.

No chance of winning.

Denmark summary – Well dont go to Denmark unless you now how to twist. These girls were obviously let down big time in the past with a twisting partner. But they are not mad – they have got over it and obviously learned to laugh about the memory.

We have silvery golden outfits, high energy and lots of posturing and wailing. Also a random Mexican thrown in perhaps straight from Germany’s entry.

Russia summary – Well we can see that the Commie regime is not completely over. Using school children to advance the propoganda machine is obviously still happening, with the Russian entry still sporting his P.E. vest.

He puts up a good effort when you consider the hell he must be going through. Nice mullet too – one that would even impress marty.

He jumps on the piano in an attempt to escape but all his potential saviours in the audience do is wave their flags. Plus there is a well camouflaged KGB agent waiting for him all in white on the piano.

Macedonia summary – Initial thought is, good advert for the Wonder Bra. Initial lyrics are ‘Oh oh oh oh oh oh, woo wooo wooo ohhh ohhhh’. Now apparently she wants to make me feel sweet and make my dreams come true. Probably all a ruse to get a British passport.

Nice body, moves it well so should get a few points from the perves in Italy, France and the UK.

Romania summary – Lots of smoke, some mystery and his own girl who is dancing around with her interpretation of a tree in a force 6 gale.

As the song picks up we get more dancers – those flag wavers in the crowd are won over already; so fickle.

Decent voice in the guy, but sounds a little too much like a club album to me. Such music will never win the Eurovision. Nice try though.

Oh and some nice squeaking door impressions at the end to reach the final pant – wetting crescendo.

Bosnia & Herzegovina summary – Again all in white, quite a stylish set. Nice instrumentals. Waiting for the song…. waiting for the song….

Song has started…. all in foreign so lets get the subtitles on……

OK key lyric is ‘Rosemary in your hair, my dove, lovely dove, my love I wont be there’

Subtitles have now been switched off again. I give this one good votes from the boring countries of Finland, Ukraine and Macedonia

Lithuania summary – Initial thoughts are the cast of Reservoir Dogs have walked on stage in their suits. Oh but then it turns into ‘We are the winners of Eurovision, we are we are’.

Sorry lads, we don’t like cockiness here in Blighty – I predict nil points from the UK for this one.

Additionally the awful screaming and posturing makes me want them all to die.

United Kingdom summary – OK we have a bunch of arrogant chav girls who have obviously skipped school to be there, and probably stole loads on the way too.

Now we have the chav leader on stage rapping and telling us about his chav school days whilst the girls do things against and around their school desks which must be against the school rules.

Catchy tune but surely the hints of paedophilia and overall chaviness will cost votes. Expect good votes from the perverts in Italy.

Greece summary – The home crowd goes wild upon the start of the song. Soon quitens down so we can hear the female singer. Seems like a quiet song, lets see if it picks up…..

‘Everything I hate, everything you do, I’m still in love with everything I hate, everything you do, Everything I see, everything on you’

I sense a broken heart here. Or is she trying to fake us all to win? She looks too happy to be that passionate. I don’t like fraudsters however this is the kind of ballad that goes down well in Eurovision – got a good chance of making it a double for Greece.

A little crazy at the end, perhaps she will be needing the straight-jacket.

12 points at any rate will come from Cyprus.

Finland summary – ‘Hard Rock, Hallelujah’ – immediately I am ready for a party. OK we have a bunch of cling-ons wearing plastic party hats adorned with the blue Finnish cross. At least we know the aliens are friendly to one country. Kinda screws the rest of the planet though.

Lots of talk about God – do aliens believe in God? Who cares all I can think about is how hot they must be under the studio lights. Lots of veins and generally disturbing visions. Doubt if I will sleep well tonight.

Will definitely not win – the Mediterranean countries will be appalled with this, especially if their children are awake and watching. I can just imagine Momma Dolmio having to comfort the bambinos as we speak.

The bat wings and screaming bring the harrowing ordeal to an end.

Ukraine summary – This is quite simply Ukraine’s version of Chakira. Everything is the same, probably even the words but I have to admit I have never listened to the words of a Chakira song before.

She wants us to show her love and talk to her hear, whisper her name and hide her mother? OK maybe I got the last bit wrong, hard to tell with the accent.

Highlight of the lyrics, ‘You’ll be my part that’s why I came’ followed by an enthusiastic scream. Lets say no more on that, else I will have to ban myself from this site.

Nice little jingle, may win over the Chakira fans.

France summary – Lots of wailing with some instrumentals. The singer is a blonde with amazingly black and bushy eyebrows. I am awaiting the inevitable glimpse of underarm hair but she must know we are all looking and refuses to raise her arms.

Yup, I think thats about it for this song. A female singer and a guy playing the cello. Boring, safe and middle-ranking for France.

Croatia summary – According to the subtitles, the opening lyrics are, ‘For the grass has not yet sprouted come on come come come hop on my chicken, the devils are your godfathers’.

Lots of passion about chickens and godfathers and devils, with a catchy tune and some limbo dancing without the pole going on from the singer.

Nice work from the background singers and instrumentalists. Obviously they got less of the absinth after the singer nicked most of it. To prove her state of inebriation she rips off her dress with skill only comparable to the lead brides maid on a hen night in Blackpool.

May just clinch it – I predict it will do well.

Ireland summary – Every song is a cry for love. Apparently. We have a slow love song from the Irish with corresponding green lighting going on across the stage.

Two females and a man in the background are standing there bending their knees in time to the music. Oh and every now and then they sing.

No flag waving, but plenty of green glowsticks in the crowd swaying back and forth. I guess lighters are not allowed indoors anymore.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz that will do. The most exciting part of this song will be the end. It’s only saviour are the cute girls in the background who are probably English anyway.

Sweden summary – Well we have a female brunnette singer. I thought everyone in Sweden was blonde so immediately they get votes just for teaching me something new.

This woman has an enormously large dress train which is approximately the size of three football fields. If the guys holding it let go, no doubt she would fly off and end up in outer siberia.

She doesn’t let that worry her though. This girl is a true trooper, she throws off the train and lets rip whith people waving white flags all around her (straight from the French set I assume). They surrender as they cannot take any more of the energy.

Strong tip to take the title this year.

Turkey summary – A white female singer with a tattoo. Never knew you got them in Turkey either – tonight has been a real eye-opener. She is singing something about a superstar, I think all the rest is in Turkish.

Every now and then she screams. Apparently at random. But now I know it is coming I cringe before it even arrives. Now she is telling us that her light will bedazzle us?!?

Enthusiastic performance from the male dancers who are British apparently. The singer spins around, shows us her bottom then tells us that she wants us to feel her.

Good effort, but the cat screams make this a no-no for me.

Armenia summary – Nice introduction, a guy in a boxing setup seems to appear from a giant cheese grater. Now he wants to know if he should live or die without our live. Nobody knows, but if he makes one wrong move on top of that cheese grater, he will have no choice in the matter.

He makes it safely off the cheese grater (has to be against EU health and safety but perhaps they let is slide as he is Armenian) and gets girls to run around him with a ream of black gaffer tape.

Some head bopping, and lots of fooling around with the tape brings this song to its inevitable cliams.

This could be the wildcard of the tournament

@james Belfast wrote:

ffs he just said there are 37 countries voting!!!!!!! Could be here all night!

Yes, exciting isn’t it!