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Well here comes the band holding the hopes of the entire British nation on their shoulders.
The entire stadium seems to cringe as the song gets going, and we get to enjoy the men on stage offering us duty free and nuts.
The dancing is extremely impressive and reminiscent of a Thunderbirds action sequence. We are offered drinks, and you can just tell the entire audience would be more than happy to pass out from intoxication before the song ends.
We are also offered something to ‘suck on’ by one of the men, and also get to watch two ladies dressed in coloured lingerie sit and walk around the stage.
So bad, this song may just clinch it this year – who knows, eh?!
Next up – Romania
We have apparently been transported away from this planet and are now firmly located somewhere in outer space. Odd people walk around the stage and shake hands with each other, and also take it in turns to belt out a little song, in a different language each time.
A stereotypical frenchman comes on with a beret and striped top – comical for most of the audience but I doubt the French will approve. Definitely a ‘nil points’ from the French for this one.
The Romanian strategy seems to be to sing as many songs, in as many different languages, and in as many different styles as possible in order to appeal to the widest audience.
A clever idea – will it work?
Next up, Bulgaria!
It seems to be a very spiritual entry from the Bulgarians this year. Combined with a wind machine, and lots of drumming we are soon transported into more of an electronica song, then into what can only be described as a North African style of chanting and drumming.
Not sure how to describe this song – is it a voodoo spell? I think they are chanting some kind of black magic, are they following the lead of Sweden by hypnotising us into voting for them?
Only time will tell.
Next up – Turkey
With a title of Shake It Up, Shekerim we are expecting big things. The screen light up with ‘Shake It, Shake It’ as a group of belly dancers hit the stage to wobble around the Turkish singer.
According to the lyrics, he has what we need, and wants to know what we are thinking. Does he really? Sometimes the truth can hurt you know.
Overall the belly dancing is disappointing – you just can’t have skinny belly dancers, it doesn’t work! I keep thinking the singer is Spanish for some reason – will others get confused too?
If we see huge votes for Spain then we will know that others thought the same as I. Either way, quite a catch tune – this will end in the top 5 without a doubt.
Next up – Armenia.
Quite the ballad from Armenia this year. Standing in front of a tree that appears to have the tights of his ex-lovers attached to the branches, our man asks ‘Why?’.
He doesn’t seem to complete his question, but we can all tell he is heartbroken and we all feel for him. I don’t doubt that there are some tears amongst the audience.
Surely the new, positive Europe cannot vote for such a depressing little number?
Next up – Moldova.
Well here we are – the final song. The reputation of the entire contest rests on Moldova’s shoulders.
Some violent violin playing signals the start of the song, and on stage enters the lovely Natalia. She seems to have gone for the Simon Cowell look but in reverse. Her trousers are down almost to her knees, but her underwear is up above her belly button.
Is this the new Moldovan look? Fire and excitement surrounds the song, as energetic dancers run around the stage waving banners and throwing and spinning each other every-which-way.
Moldova is my wildcard for this competition – keep your eye on them come voting time!
Final Result Predictions
Well here are my final result predicitions – as you know from last year, I am highly accurate with my predictions although I must say I am not responsible for any losses incurred should you place some last minute bets based on the following information.
Top 5
1st Place – Greece
2nd Place – Ukraine
3rd Place – Turkey
4th Place – Russia
5th Place – United KingdomWildcard Winner
Moldova
Let the voting commence…..
Boy oh boy … were your predictions up the creek this time Martin.
UK 5th. LMAO. If it wasn’t for a fixed vote from Malta and some expression of sympathy from the stupid bloody Irish we’d have done it again and got ”Null points”.
Wogan had it pretty much spot on. It’s the block votes that win this not the songs.
@chathostuk wrote:
Hi
Seeing as last year’s JC Eurovision commentary went down so well, I thought I would give it another bash this year.
Lets keep this thread updated over the evening with your comments and thoughts.
Less than an hour to go….
Can you feel the electric atmosphere, tension and excitement?!?
Dear Martin,
I know that you don’t really like the Eurovision song contest, as I know that you are not gay – Since when I tried bending you over a table and tried to bum you, you said “No! I am not gay! Do not bum me, please!”, and after I bummed you anyway, without permission, you said “Why did you bum me? I am not gay! Please do not bum me again!” Anyway, after bumming you a further 35252352 times, I finally decided that you may not actually be gay, despite famous JC rumours that you really are a raving homo. (Sources say PB started such rumours). (That’s a lie and I can prove it (I think) ….Ed)
So.. Anyway, I know you don’t really like ESC. As ESC is for gays. And you’ve proved you’re not gay after you still disliked getting bummed after the 3523523523th time.
Which means you’re just promoting the ESC just to get all the other gays of JC to start posting about the ESC to get the post count up, as it’s publicity. In which case, woohoo! Good idea! But, on the flip side, BOOO, you look well gay innit.
Love,
Anonymousp.s: Great Britain isn’t in Europe thus shouldn’t be in the ESC – Which it isn’t. The UK is in the ESC, but the UK isn’t Great Britain so it’s a different country.
Look we all know f3 is a gay pick up point for the over 50’s but this is taking it too far.
Why do they do it?
what will martin and pb do next?
Paint the site “pink”, move in together? or open a doggy shoe shop?
The pair of u need to find a pub and talk about women and football like real men and not spend your Sat nights watching tv.
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