divorce letter

DIVORCE LETTER !!

Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you
forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I
have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell
me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a
new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and
went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You
don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or
anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore;
whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S.
Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away
together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband –

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s
true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant
whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first
thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since
my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say
something nice, I didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven
years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because
the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it
was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty quid
from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when
I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I
guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a
penny from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.