Did your Parents Mean to Have You ?

No, I was not ‘meant’ :) My parents and elder sisters had settled into a brand new 2 bedroom house,My parents were at last getting on their feet,from earlier years of near Poverty and Debt. My father gained promotion to the rank of Conveynor in the Trade Union movement and all was well..

Then I decided to soft shoe shuffle my way into their lives :) I was conceived after a trade union meeting that my father lost ! and my mother almost 40, assumed she had been through the menopause.She did not keep great health and back in the late 50’s there were no means of testing ,and this was probably secondary to her other illness’s.

So there i was,with a mother who adored me, a middle sister who resented me,an older sister that would have adopted me and a dad that was kinda confused, so didnt really show this new one Much emotion at all.

in my mothers Eyes i was the best thing since Shirley temple,so i was particularily close to her. As life goes we lost my mum and sisters and i was left alone with a Dad i hardly knew,we were like 2 strangers living in the same house and i rebelled, big style. stupid erse :) Was only years later i discovered he felt as lost as me, Im glad to say i made it up with my DAD.I think i grew up that wee bit when i had the kids. The last 2 years of his life were the best for us.I actually felt a kinship for the first time,and then and ONLY then Was i allowed to mention my Mother. It was not allowed before. So at least we spoke as dad and daughter before it was too late,and i just wish id said so much more…

So TB to answer you, no i maybe was NOT wanted initially, but deep down i was.. :)

/soft shoe shuffles out.

I was conceived shortly before my father was sent to the Suez with his National Service and was born while he was there.
He always resented my closeness to my mother, and, I felt showed very little interest in me.
I can never remember him ever hugging me and telling me he loved me

For my 10th Christmas he bought me a beautiful illustrated bible which I have to this day
I loved that bible above all other presents because he bought it for me!

My twin sisters came along nearly 5 years later and had a totally different relationship with him

I remember Saturdayafternoons, and dreading him coming back from the pub.
I used to disappear upstairs because after his sleep he would start on me and it saved my mum the grief of having to defend me
Don’t get me wrong, he never ever laid a finger on me
It was jibes constantly

One Christmas I remember being so happy because he was being especially kind to me
After the dinner was over he turned to my mum and said
‘Christmas is over now can I stop talking to it now’

I used to count the years before I turned 16 and could leave home

I don’t know whether people are born with low self esteem or develop it later.
but I do know I blamed my father for mine for many years.

Trouble is I married a man very like my father and seem to have been attracted to men who are disparaging of me ever since.

when I fell pregnant with my son (who must have been conceived on his fathers birthday) I remember desperately hoping he would be a boy because a termination was suggested by him. It was the first scan where I asked to know the sex of the baby purely because I knew he would be pleased if it was a boy and the pressure would stop.

Anyways
I love my father now
hes a frail old man who has suffered strokes and epilepsy
and he loves me
I still wonder if I would have turned out differently had he showed more love for me but I no longer resent him
Lifes too short

Bon Bon without being disloyal to any of those that are no longer here, If i had typed this answer to a post 2 weeks ago, i would have been deleting it within minutes thinking stuff in it may have maybe been used at some future date to ‘get at me’ if that makes sense?

for reasons im not willing to explain have deleted it anyway , sorry x x

@cath 55 wrote:

Bon Bon without being disloyal to any of those that are no longer here, If i had typed this answer to a post 2 weeks ago, i would have been deleting it within minutes thinking stuff in it may have maybe been used at some future date to ‘get at me’ if that makes sense?

=D> =D> =D>

I aint got a clue i never asked but i’d guess yeah

Dont post something which you are not comfortable with.

But dont be made to feel you shouldnt post stuff either, us that matter and care know who we all are x