Dennis Waterman

Ah but my explanation didn’t mention genders sceptical :wink:

Domestic abuse can occur in any relationship, the perpetrators be either gender, and also in same sex relationships. Whatever your gender, it takes strength, determination and a lot of support to leave, rebuild your life and heal the scars before you learn to trust again, but even then you may find that you can never trust anyone 100% again.

Posted elsewhere but seems right to repost it here.

“You’re so pretty and sexy” and I fall at your feet.
“Trust me, I love you” words sounding so sweet.
“I’ll be there for ever” that’s what you said.
“Give me your heart” but you wanted my bed.

“Marry me darling” you made me your wife.
“We were meant for each other” but it wasn’t for life.

“You’re stupid and ugly” words cutting so deep.
“No one else will have you” cry myself to sleep.
“You’re worthless, you’re nothing” tears me apart.
“I did it because I love you” breaking my heart.

“Don’t you dare answer back” making me feel so small.
“Don’t make me beat you” finally taking it all.

“You won’t leave me” but I have to to survive.
“You won’t last 5 minutes” disbelief in your eyes.
“You made me do it” desperation sets in.
“It’s because I love you” that’s worn so thin.

You thought you’d broken me, killed my spirit
And yes you demeaned me till I found my limits,
Hit rock bottom, the depths of despair
As you stood there laughing, pretending to care.
You said you loved me but it wasn’t real,
Thank god I found that core of inner steel.

20 years later and here I am, standing proud, standing strong.
My spirit intact, still alive and every day I prove you wrong.

Hands Sue a tissue, yes it was very moving Jen

ooooooooo, very deep, and disturbing isn’t it, not much else I can say really – just wish they would get the hell out!

Jen, here’s where I (sort of) disagree, and I’m not at all sure that I can get it across adequately without getting people’s backs up.

You rightly said that you didn’t mention gender, but the poem you quote (yours?) is very much written from a woman’s point of view, and a very narrow one too. It aroused the same ambiguity as I felt in the 80s when watchng women dancing to Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive (very similar in sentiment to the poem). Glad that people are not just going to lay down and die, but an increasing worry about what it means – wherever I went (London, Bristol etc) large numbers of women would leap to teh dance floor and gyrate to that song swinging their fists in the air and looking at one another in solidarity. The same joy as is felt by a rugger club singing songs about the dirty old Bishop of Birmingham, that is, a bonding song, perhaps, but no it’s more profound than that.

Oh dear – I thought – feminism in all its glory and ugliness. Women ready to give an almighty crack to the jaw (or nuts) of any man they come across because he fails to live up to the Elvis/Romeo fantasy they had when they were girlies.

Most men mean it when they say I love you, dear, I love you for ever and a day, just as they mean it when they put dear down continually for not living up to the lovely mum who’ll look after me and at the same time do the dirty deed(s) with me fantasy inside their subconscious.

We all have to survive, and sometimes it means leaving. But first, especially when kids are involved, it means having a think about how to get things better.

Try to construct that poem again thinking inside the man’s head. Why is he reacting like that?? Maybe it’s time to give him a wake-up call, the sort you both have to give each other regularly if life together is going to work.

I’m not saying that some men don’t go beyond the pale, and run the risk of waking up in the morning with the bed on fire.

Not sure I’m getting my point across, but let’s see if there’s any reaction to what I said.