Barebottom Mountain

I see an awful lot of fuss is being made about a new film called Barebottom Mountain. It’s all about two very macho cowboys who ride about the mountains on horses with their bottoms completely nude. Eventually, after days and days of riding their horses, their bottoms become all chapped and sore to the extent that some cream needs to be applied to the more seriously affected areas. Of course, having ridden so far into the mountains, there are no hospitals or nurses about to apply the cream, so they have to apply it to each other and they rub the cream into each other’s bottoms until their bottoms become very smooth and shiny. Eventually, they get completely covered in lustful thoughts of an unnatural nature and they do unspeakable things to each others bottoms.

Because their bottoms are so badly damaged, they can’t ride horses like they used to and so, for the next twenty years or so, they go to Barebottom Lake where they can stand up and fish and inspect each others’ tackle. It’s then that their wives find out because, after twenty years, they suddenly realise that the two barebottom cowboys never bring any fish home and one of them always seems to be limping heavily.

I really don’t know what to make of this film. I think the Government should certainly make a list of all the people who are interested in films of this nature. They can get the names of all those who pay for their tickets by credit card like they did for Operation Ore and they could set up CCTV inside the cinema to watch people’s reactions to the bits of the the film that are meant to excite homosapiens. Any males caught crying during the film should have their names put on the list and be made to join the Army or something.